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Midseason review- Midwest Pimps Fantasy Baseball League
Monday, July 14, 2003
It’s that time of year folks, All-Star break is here. Time to write a mammoth midseason report to be read by 10 people. (Cliff doesn’t read the rumor mill, and who knows if Miller does).
But hey, tis my duty and my curse for being a writer for a living.
Anyway...I glanced at last season’s All-Star break review,and found that I was pretty dead on.
Sure, I did pick Fo Shizzy to win at all, but in my defense, he was up 600-700 points at the break. I thought he might fall a bit in the second half, but even I wasn’t prepared for his Icarus-like descent into medicracy. That will definately go down as one of the biggest chokes of all time in fantasy sports.
-But I did pick Lutz to finish second (he finished 1st), Ed to finish 3rd which he got, me to finish 4th (I ended up 40 points behind Lutz), and the rest...I don’t care about.
Now...lets take a look at this topsy-turvy year....
-Atlanta’s pitching staff was trashed, yet the Braves are still in first.
-The Yankees have the most controversy and hand-wringing ever for a team 20 games over .500. (And Derek Jeter has become a poor man’s Furcal)
-The Royals are somehow in first place in the A.L. Central, even though their first half M.V.P. is a former Mets reject (Desi Relaford...or so Tony Pena says).
-The Cardinals, Cubs, and Astros are fighting hard to eventually lose to the Braves or Giants in the N.L.C.S.
-I was on hand for the Chicago Umpire bash, which was like a frat party attended by 20,000 people and Frank Thomas.
-The Sausage Race has been desecrated by the hands of Randall Simon. Wait a sec, if you are a Pirate, aren’t these things you are SUPPOSED to do?
Shouldn’t Simon have made Bernie Brewer walk the plank too or at least stolen Bud Selig’s hidden treasure?
-Sammy Sosa....oh never mind, I’m a Cubs fan.
-Mike Piazza is gay.
Atlanta Braves: (Trevor)
It’s hard to totally hate Trevor, he’s got that earnest Freshman appeal, the encyclopedic baseball knowledge, the winning smile, and the “ah shucks, I suck at this” Todd Hessel act down to a tee. But I hate him anyway.
Why? Beginner’s luck. To have a rookie to the “Midwest Pimps” come in and dominate gives the ol’ wily veterans like myself a bad taste in my mouth (Think Mug Root Beer combined with Jujubees).
Offense (3.3)
Scary. Helton, Soriano, Luis Gonzalez, and Ichiro are among the top at their positions, and with a couple well-made trades, Trevor’s offense has even gotten better. (The sleeping giant, Vlad, is coming back from injury).
On a side note, Todd Helton is an interesting conundrum, no? He’s the Dominque Wilkins of our time.
He’s gets little respect despite putting up MVP numbers, but yet, he’s partly a Coors Field creation. (See: Vinny Castilla and Friends). It makes him perinnely underrated in fantasy sports though despite being a Top 5 offensive producer.
That aside, I still don’t expect Trevor’s offense to keep up this pace, I see Kendall and Furcal dropping, but look for a 3.2 average by season’s end.
Rating: A
Starting Pitching: (15.5)
This is Trevor’s biggest question mark. After letting Jason Schmidt go, his pitching looks fairly underwhelming.
Oswalt should rebound and have a good second half, but excuse me if I’m not sold on the overperforming Mark Redman (18.7), Brandon Webb (20.7) and the fortysomething wonder of Jamie Moyer. (note to Trevor- trade them now!)
From there Travor has a hodge-podge of young mediocre arms, that are normal fifth starter material.
Look for Trevor’s starting pitching to drop significantly in the second half.
Rating B-
Relief Pitching: (9.7)
Trevor’s so-called draft gaffe (hey, that sorta rhymes!), getting Smoltz and Percival in the keeper draft, then going for Rivera and Trevor Hoffman in the first few rounds, hasn’t hurt him.
He’s used Percival and Rivera in beneficial trades, and Smoltz has been as Sosa might say ‘unbuhlievabuh”.
Now say Shigetos Hasegawa three times fast.
Rating: A+
Intangibles:
Trevor’s work ethic combined with his aforementioned traits is hard to stop. He sends trade proposals and Private Messages like mad, and he’s made a few steals on the wire. And I hear he ran a 4.2 in the 40.
Rating: A+
Overall Rating: A
There are classic Shizzy symptoms here, but Shizzy’s overperformers last year were Junior Spivey, Paul Konerko, Torii Hunter and Ramon Ortiz. I’ll take Eric Chavez and Vladimir, please.
With a clenched jaw I will predict Trevor will pull off 1st place by 175 points.
Prediction: First Place
The Hulk says: “Trevor offense SMASH!”
Dr. D’Amico’s Debutantes
Ryan Smith
Let’s face it, second through eighth place will be a horse race. Anyone not named Hopkins, Cliff and Sarkis have a legit shot at second place. Therefore, I’m going to pat myself on the back and pick me second.
If nothing else it would be a good story.
Girls would love the Trevor story (a young, brash stud who rockets to the top....I see Heath Ledger or a young Tom Cruise playing Trevor)....but the guys will love the Ryan story (A battered, bruised former contender sinks into last place 200 points behind Cliff for 11th in Mid-June. With Heart and Character, he pulls himself up from his bootstraps to will himself into second place.)
It’s like Hoosiers compared to Days of Thunder.
Offense: (2.7)
Ed’s draft analysis didn’t go far enough, because otherwise it would of shown Carl “Please leave your cellphones at home” Everett to be one of the steals of the draft. Granted he’s fallen a bit, but he was a 4.0 OF until late June.
I have also scoured some gems off the waiver wire like Bo Hart,(3.2) my new David Eckstein like mascot, Morgan Ensberg,(3.0) and of course the Force of Nature that is MELVIN MORA (3.5).
On paper my offense looks a bit tepid, but has really been hot in July (3.1-ish).
Rating: C
Starting Pitching: (15.1)
Horrible at first (12.5) in Mid May, great lately. I have to admit, in June when Buerhle was 2-10, Maddux was getting rocked harder than a teen girl at Ozzfest, and Hudson kept getting screwed by Keith Foulke, I was starting to get in panic mode.
But with the Big 3’s recent turnaround (Maddux has been solid, Buerhle’s won his last 5 decisions, Hudson has given up 2 ER in last 4 starts) and the emergence of waiver wire gem Sidney Ponson (20.2) and Shawn Chacon (16.4), I’m feeling pretty good.
In the past 5 weeks my pitching average jumped from 9.7 to 11.7. Good times.
Rating: B
Relief Pitching:
The J.D. Drew for Cliff Politte trade automatically goes down as the most irrelevant trade of the year. There is no argument.
Rivera could not get any saves at the beginning of his comeback, but now he’s on a role. Mantei, when he’s healthy is a top second tier closer (right behind Smoltz, Rivera, Gagne).
Rating: B+
Intangibles:
I’ve pulled off three trades this season but only one has helped me so far (Rivera for Ichiro). Nonetheless, I’m a proven second half player. Can anyone say Uppppside?
Rating: A
Mora, Everett, Ponson, Bo Hart, sure, I know some of those guys are going to drop, but I also have Pudge, Aramis, and Alou heating up, not to mention that A-Rod is underperforming at 3.2 and Ray Durham is below average right now.
And I’m sexy.
Overall Rating: B
Prediction: Second Place
The Hulk Says: “Me no like Keith Foulke!”
LBL: Ryan Lutz
Lutz’s title of Hardest Working Man in Fantasy Sports was wrested from his grasp this year by Trevor, but no one circles the wagons like Ryan Lutz.
But with his current soap opera live in South Carolina, its hard to say where Lutz will go this year. Is a post-first place let down in the works?
Offense: (2.9)
Let’s call them Pujols and Pals. Besides Prince Albert averaging a hefty 4.5 a game, and Manny, Lutz has a average collection of Aubrey Huff, Alex Cintron, Geoff Jenkins and Miguel Cabrera.
Right now Craig Biggio seems like the Velveeteen Rabbit with all of his stuffing showing and whiskers ripped off by all the love shown by Larry Dierker and Jeff Bagwell. But when the guy is incapable of playing second base, you know somethings wrong.
Rating: B-
Starting Pitching: 15.2
Fairly good, which was suprising considering the huge loss of the Unit.
I guess no one circles the wagons like Randy Wolf and Gil Meche. By the way Lutz, how is Jose Contreras working for you? hahahahaahahaha. Sorry.
Rating: B+
Relief Pitching: (7.3)
Poor Lutz. While Trevor can trade away his stable of relief arms easily, Lutz is stuck with his foursome of middle shelf guys Byung Yung Kim, Rocky “I’m addicted to Sobe” Biddle, Sasaki and Eddie Guadardo.
Now Sasaki’s hurt, Easy Eddie’s slumping, and Rocky Biddle is getting pounded by Apollo Creed...errr National League hitters.
Rating B-
Intangibles- Lutz is slipping this year. He’s not made a trade this year and his waiver wire studs are Gil Meche (who is starting to come down) and....Brian Roberts.
Still, I’m betting he’s got some magic left.
Rating: B
With all of these B’s, Lutz should make the honor roll, but not finish as the valevictorian. Ok, that was gay.
Randy Johnson is the X-factor. If he pitches like he did most of last year, Lutz could pull off a surprise first place finish. But I doubt it.
I’ll sqeak by Lutz by 30.
Prediction: Third Place
The Hulk says: “Randy old and ugly but throw hard!”
Randy Johnson- Ed Courtney
Ed is the old man of the league. He is the only known exception of the “Ed Theory” which states that “Once you get married, you begin to suck at fantasy sports”. That combined with his excessive free time in Colorado is a deadly combination.
Offense (2.8)
Ed’s offense is all about a Portland Trailblazersesque balance. His top guy, Lance Berkman is at 3.3 and his low guy, Ryan Klesko is at 2.7. That leaves a lot of 2.9 and 3.1ish guys.
It’s not inspiring, but there are no immediate holes either (depending on how you feel about Jeff Conine).
I can’t stand guys named Dirk, Austin, or Dillon. So it’s with joy that I see Austin Kearns taking a month or two off from hitting.
Rating: B
Starting Pitching: (16.1)
I’ll admit it, I love Pedro. He says some dumb things sometimes (accusing Peter Gammons of racism for saying Zito deserved the Cy Young), but he also says some hilarious stuff (I’d knock the Bambino on his ass), and he’s the best pitcher in the game when he’s healthy.
When a 5’9 guy throws 98 on the gun and throws at people’s chins without blinking, it warms my heart.
DONTRELLE! He’s quickly taking Zo’s place in the heart of Floridians, and how bout that windup? Dontrelle, you so crazy!
Hi, I’m Matt Morris and I’m a pansy. My arm hurts. I miss you DK.
Garland, Zambrano, Russ Ortiz, Pavano, Eaton, Lilly, (and it pains me to say it) D’Amico. Yawn.
Rating: A-
Relief Pitching: (7.1)
Is there a better name than Ugueth Urbina? Has there ever been anyone else with the initials U.U.? And how fast will Urbina’s value drop now that he’s the setup man for Braden Looper. Yep.
Add that to a possible Benitez trade, and Ed could be begging Lutz for Rocky Biddle. That would be amusing
Rating: C-
Intangibles: They don’t call him Deacon Shady for nothing. Ed’s smooth dealings like Pedro Astasio for Ichiro and Richie Sexson, and getting Edgar Martinez for 3rd base eligibility, usually give him a big boost. Ed has something up his sleeve in Act II.
Rating A-
Overall Rating: B
I see Ed’s offense going up slightly in the second half, Klesko, Tejada, and Berkman are underperforming. Pitching will be very similar to his first half, well..except for relief pitching, ouch..
His current second place is a little decieving since he’s up on games.
Prediction: Fourth Place
The Hulk says: “Me will also crush Bambino like a bug!”
Fo Shizzy- Brian Gower
Fo Shizzy has disappointly vanished as a fantasy sports villain. The days of bragging about his Four Aces, and the trash talking exhibitions are now gone. I almost felt sorry for him after last year’s collapse.
Offense (2.9)
I swear Carlos Delgado gets R.B.I’s now just by batting an eyelash. Of course Delgado’s shoulders may be sore from carrying an infield of Mark Grudzlielanek, Desi Relford, and Corey Koskie.
I don’t feel like writing anything about Garrett Anderson.
Rating: B
Starting Pitching: (16.1)
Unlike last year, Shizzy actually could do better in the second half. Colon is underperforming, as is Ortiz, and Kevin Brown has great second half potential.
Who in the world would predict Jose Lima would be a 20 FP producer again? No one. He’ll be at 14 in 3 weeks. At least he’s the second best quote producing pitcher besides Pedro.
Rating: A-
Relief Pitching: (6.1)
Shizzy learned from last year’s Mike DeJean debacle and picked up Percival from Trevor. Good idea.
Unfortunately, he also has the roller coaster rides that are Billy Koch and Jose Mesa to deal with. Have fun.
Rating: C
Intangibles:
Fo Shizzy is usually fairly good at making trades and waiver wire pickups. Now its just a matter of fighting bad mojo.
Rating: B-
Overall Rating: B-
It was tough to pick between Tim and Shizzy for 5th. It’s almost like picking the winner of the Eastern Conference. It’s a tough call, but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. I’ll take Shizzy because of the Tim= Sarah factor.
Prediction: Fifth Place.
Piazza and the Flamers-Tim Alexander
Yep, the Sarah factor. Tim has the burden of scientific fact dragging him slowly into the abyss with each passing month. His relationship with Sarah has already passed the 16 month zone (Tim can tell you how many days and hours), so the clocks ticking.
On the other hand, Tim has never been a top Fantasy player (unless you count stealing picks from Drage.)
Offense: (3.1)
Ironically Mike Piazza has as many fantasy points as the cost of a 1-800-COLLECT call. I don’t even have a joke here.
Tim also has an abundance of Marlins, (Juan Pierre), former Marlins (Mike Piazza, Preston Wilson) and guys whose names sound like fish (Tim Salmon).
Rating: A-
Starting Pitching: (16.0)
Ugh. Even if Josh Beckett and Runelvys Hernandez is coming back, Tim has one of those ugly ace-less staffs.
It does have some upside possible, but Joel Pineiro and Brett Myers don’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of men.
Tim’s SP average is very decieving considering he is so far back on games. I can’t wait until he throws John Lackey and Kyle Lohse out there to make up for it.
Rating: C
Relief Pitching: (7.9)
As I said last year, I have a weakness in my heart for huge goggled Canadians. It’s interesting to note that the top 3 fantasy players right now are all underrated....Smoltz, Gagne and Jason Schmidt.
Lets get this straight...Mike McDougal should NOT be an All-Star.
Rating: A-
Intangibles: I give Tim credit for always being a contender, but too bad it’s contending for fourth or fifth place.
Rating: C+
Overall Rating B-
Like I said before, it was tough picking Shizzy over Tim. But I looked at each teams top 3 SP, Mussina, Kevin Brown, Colon, against Piniero, Myers and Andy Pettite...and it seemed easier.
Prediction: Sixth Place
Twelve Gauge Tomales-
Miller, Miller, Miller. The man, the mystery.
Question: Why is Miller so obsessed with players under 25?
Question: Why does Miller always have good pitching and a horrible offense (at least his infield)?
Question: Why does Miller only post in the rumor mill once a year?
Question: What the heck does Miller do now?
Offense: (2.8)
Again, the offense average is decieving because Miller is behind in games.
Miller’s offense is actually not that bad this year, but I’m not a big believer in Ben Molina, Marlon Anderson, Jay Gibbons, and Eric Hinske. Once Mike Sweeney comes back, that will definately help.
Rating: B-
Starting Pitching: (15.8)
If Miller’s pitching was a pickup basketball team, it would be named Triple Threat. Zito, Mulder, Halladay are the best 1-2-3 combo in the league.
Unfortunately Miller has nothing after that. Ben Sheets, Rodrigo Lopez (7.5???) and Brian Lawrence and Jake Peavy ain’t exactly WMD. (Is there anything more annoying than the acroynm WMD? It makes my skin crawl.)
Rating: B
Relief Pitching: (8.1)
Excuse me if I’m bitter at Keith Foulke for blowing four (FOUR!) saves for Tim Hudson.
Rating: C
Intangibles:
I love Brian Miller but he doesn’t exactly come through in the clutch.
And I don’t think Tim’s comparison of Miller and Royals backup scrub Morgan Burkhart did him much good either.
Rating: D
Overall Rating: C+
Miller could once again be a nice dark horse pick, but that offense has too many holes and those 4th and 5th starters are brutal. Maybe, next year big guy.
Prediction: Seventh Place
Schilling-Sarkis Hitti
Poor Sarkis. Once a bright eyed young college student, now dragged down by The Man. (that man being Sam Walton). But hey at least he doesn’t have those crazy night shifts anymore.
Offense: (2.7)
Javy Lopez, Vernon Wells, good. Infield bad.
Rating: C
Starting Pitching: (15.2)
It’s all about Curt Schilling. Bottom Line. If Schilling comes back and dominates as he’s done the past couple seasons, Sarkis can upset Heupel for eighth.
Loaiza (21.6) will be interesting to watch in the second half.
Benson, Odalis Perez, Miguel Batista are just along for the ride.
Rating: B-
Relief Pitching: (4.5)
Yuck.
Rating: F+
Intangibles:
Sarkis is like a St. Louis version of Miller, but he has a love for Kris Benson instead of guys under 25.
Rating: C-
Overall: C-
This is a stretch to pick Sarkis eighth, I must admit, but its partly a slap in the fact to Heupel. But if Sarkis gets some Schilling love, this is possible.
Prediction: Eighth Place.
ROUS (Rodents of Unusual Size) - Heupel
I’ve had many a rumor mill post about Heupel this season, so I shan’t repeat everything I said, but I will once again say that Heupel this season is the Isiah Thomas of our League....doing so little with so much.
Steinbrenner would of fired him in week 2.
Offense: (3.1)
Best outfield in the league. Bar none. Right now Heupel has Jim Edmonds (3.5), Johnny Damon (3.5), Bonds (4.8), Sheffield (4.4) and Bernie Williams, his worst starting OF with 3,4. He also has Jay Payton (3.0 on the bench, Excuse me while I cry.
But how bout that infield...Rich Aurilia and Jose Valentin may be the worst combo of starters in the league and Michael Young is maxing out right now at 2.6.
But did I mention that Heupel is almost 100 games back of Lutz on offense? Ouch.
Rating: B
Starting Pitching (17.0)
Right now Heupel has a stunning 3 guys averaging close to 20 FPG (Nomo, Prior, and David Wells) and a hot Freddy Garcia. Throw in Tom Glavine as a fifth starter, and you have quite a formidable bunch.
Rating: A-
Relief Pitching (5.0)
Sure, Heupel has improved his 2.0 relieving average from mid-May, but how could you not?
I also added a minus for having a middle reliever on his roster for most of the year,
Rating: D-
Intangibles:
He’s gone through weeks with Johnny Damon and Jeff Kent on the bench, with a shaky infield, and yet he makes no trades for either closing or infield help.
It makes no sense to me.
What a waste of a great team.
Rating: F
Bad management, the ever-closing in Ed theory, and last year’s horrible finish don’t exactly inspire lofty expectations.
Overall Rating: C-
Prediction: Ninth Place.
But hey, tis my duty and my curse for being a writer for a living.
Anyway...I glanced at last season’s All-Star break review,and found that I was pretty dead on.
Sure, I did pick Fo Shizzy to win at all, but in my defense, he was up 600-700 points at the break. I thought he might fall a bit in the second half, but even I wasn’t prepared for his Icarus-like descent into medicracy. That will definately go down as one of the biggest chokes of all time in fantasy sports.
-But I did pick Lutz to finish second (he finished 1st), Ed to finish 3rd which he got, me to finish 4th (I ended up 40 points behind Lutz), and the rest...I don’t care about.
Now...lets take a look at this topsy-turvy year....
-Atlanta’s pitching staff was trashed, yet the Braves
-The Yankees have the most controversy and hand-wringing ever for a team 20 games over .500. (And Derek Jeter has become a poor man’s Furcal)
-The Royals are somehow in first place in the A.L. Central, even though their first half M.V.P. is a former Mets reject (Desi Relaford...or so Tony Pena says).
-The Cardinals, Cubs, and Astros are fighting hard to eventually lose to the Braves or Giants in the N.L.C.S.
-I was on hand for the Chicago Umpire bash, which was like a frat party attended by 20,000 people and Frank Thomas.
-The Sausage Race has been desecrated by the hands of Randall Simon. Wait a sec, if you are a Pirate, aren’t these things you are SUPPOSED to do?
Shouldn’t Simon have made Bernie Brewer walk the plank too or at least stolen Bud Selig’s hidden treasure?
-Sammy Sosa....oh never mind, I’m a Cubs fan.
-Mike Piazza is gay.
Atlanta Braves: (Trevor)
It’s hard to totally hate Trevor, he’s got that earnest Freshman appeal, the encyclopedic baseball knowledge, the winning smile, and the “ah shucks, I suck at this” Todd Hessel act down to a tee. But I hate him anyway.
Why? Beginner’s luck. To have a rookie to the “Midwest Pimps” come in and dominate gives the ol’ wily veterans like myself a bad taste in my mouth (Think Mug Root Beer combined with Jujubees).
Offense (3.3)
Scary. Helton, Soriano, Luis Gonzalez, and Ichiro are among the top at their positions, and with a couple well-made trades, Trevor’s offense has even gotten better. (The sleeping giant, Vlad, is coming back from injury).
On a side note, Todd Helton is an interesting conundrum, no? He’s the Dominque Wilkins of our time.
He’s gets little respect despite putting up MVP numbers, but yet, he’s partly a Coors Field creation. (See: Vinny Castilla and Friends). It makes him perinnely underrated in fantasy sports though despite being a Top 5 offensive producer.
That aside, I still don’t expect Trevor’s offense to keep up this pace, I see Kendall and Furcal dropping, but look for a 3.2 average by season’s end.
Rating: A
Starting Pitching: (15.5)
This is Trevor’s biggest question mark. After letting Jason Schmidt go, his pitching looks fairly underwhelming.
Oswalt should rebound and have a good second half, but excuse me if I’m not sold on the overperforming Mark Redman (18.7), Brandon Webb (20.7) and the fortysomething wonder of Jamie Moyer. (note to Trevor- trade them now!)
From there Travor has a hodge-podge of young mediocre arms, that are normal fifth starter material.
Look for Trevor’s starting pitching to drop significantly in the second half.
Rating B-
Relief Pitching: (9.7)
Trevor’s so-called draft gaffe (hey, that sorta rhymes!), getting Smoltz and Percival in the keeper draft, then going for Rivera and Trevor Hoffman in the first few rounds, hasn’t hurt him.
He’s used Percival and Rivera in beneficial trades, and Smoltz has been as Sosa might say ‘unbuhlievabuh”.
Now say Shigetos Hasegawa three times fast.
Rating: A+
Intangibles:
Trevor’s work ethic combined with his aforementioned traits is hard to stop. He sends trade proposals and Private Messages like mad, and he’s made a few steals on the wire. And I hear he ran a 4.2 in the 40.
Rating: A+
Overall Rating: A
There are classic Shizzy symptoms here, but Shizzy’s overperformers last year were Junior Spivey, Paul Konerko, Torii Hunter and Ramon Ortiz. I’ll take Eric Chavez and Vladimir, please.
With a clenched jaw I will predict Trevor will pull off 1st place by 175 points.
Prediction: First Place
The Hulk says: “Trevor offense SMASH!”
Dr. D’Amico’s Debutantes
Ryan Smith
Let’s face it, second through eighth place will be a horse race. Anyone not named Hopkins, Cliff and Sarkis have a legit shot at second place. Therefore, I’m going to pat myself on the back and pick me second.
If nothing else it would be a good story.
Girls would love the Trevor story (a young, brash stud who rockets to the top....I see Heath Ledger or a young Tom Cruise playing Trevor)....but the guys will love the Ryan story (A battered, bruised former contender sinks into last place 200 points behind Cliff for 11th in Mid-June. With Heart and Character, he pulls himself up from his bootstraps to will himself into second place.)
It’s like Hoosiers compared to Days of Thunder.
Offense: (2.7)
Ed’s draft analysis didn’t go far enough, because otherwise it would of shown Carl “Please leave your cellphones at home” Everett to be one of the steals of the draft. Granted he’s fallen a bit, but he was a 4.0 OF until late June.
I have also scoured some gems off the waiver wire like Bo Hart,(3.2) my new David Eckstein like mascot, Morgan Ensberg,(3.0) and of course the Force of Nature that is MELVIN MORA (3.5).
On paper my offense looks a bit tepid, but has really been hot in July (3.1-ish).
Rating: C
Starting Pitching: (15.1)
Horrible at first (12.5) in Mid May, great lately. I have to admit, in June when Buerhle was 2-10, Maddux was getting rocked harder than a teen girl at Ozzfest, and Hudson kept getting screwed by Keith Foulke, I was starting to get in panic mode.
But with the Big 3’s recent turnaround (Maddux has been solid, Buerhle’s won his last 5 decisions, Hudson has given up 2 ER in last 4 starts) and the emergence of waiver wire gem Sidney Ponson (20.2) and Shawn Chacon (16.4), I’m feeling pretty good.
In the past 5 weeks my pitching average jumped from 9.7 to 11.7. Good times.
Rating: B
Relief Pitching:
The J.D. Drew for Cliff Politte trade automatically goes down as the most irrelevant trade of the year. There is no argument.
Rivera could not get any saves at the beginning of his comeback, but now he’s on a role. Mantei, when he’s healthy is a top second tier closer (right behind Smoltz, Rivera, Gagne).
Rating: B+
Intangibles:
I’ve pulled off three trades this season but only one has helped me so far (Rivera for Ichiro). Nonetheless, I’m a proven second half player. Can anyone say Uppppside?
Rating: A
Mora, Everett, Ponson, Bo Hart, sure, I know some of those guys are going to drop, but I also have Pudge, Aramis, and Alou heating up, not to mention that A-Rod is underperforming at 3.2 and Ray Durham is below average right now.
And I’m sexy.
Overall Rating: B
Prediction: Second Place
The Hulk Says: “Me no like Keith Foulke!”
LBL: Ryan Lutz
Lutz’s title of Hardest Working Man in Fantasy Sports was wrested from his grasp this year by Trevor, but no one circles the wagons like Ryan Lutz.
But with his current soap opera live in South Carolina, its hard to say where Lutz will go this year. Is a post-first place let down in the works?
Offense: (2.9)
Let’s call them Pujols and Pals. Besides Prince Albert
Right now Craig Biggio seems like the Velveeteen Rabbit with all of his stuffing showing and whiskers ripped off by all the love shown by Larry Dierker and Jeff Bagwell. But when the guy is incapable of playing second base, you know somethings wrong.
Rating: B-
Starting Pitching: 15.2
Fairly good, which was suprising considering the huge loss of the Unit.
I guess no one circles the wagons like Randy Wolf and Gil Meche. By the way Lutz, how is Jose Contreras working for you? hahahahaahahaha. Sorry.
Rating: B+
Relief Pitching: (7.3)
Poor Lutz. While Trevor can trade away his stable of relief arms easily, Lutz is stuck with his foursome of middle shelf guys Byung Yung Kim, Rocky “I’m addicted to Sobe” Biddle, Sasaki and Eddie Guadardo.
Now Sasaki’s hurt, Easy Eddie’s slumping, and Rocky Biddle is getting pounded by Apollo Creed...errr National League hitters.
Rating B-
Intangibles- Lutz is slipping this year. He’s not made a trade this year and his waiver wire studs are Gil Meche (who is starting to come down) and....Brian Roberts.
Still, I’m betting he’s got some magic left.
Rating: B
With all of these B’s, Lutz should make the honor roll, but not finish as the valevictorian. Ok, that was gay.
Randy Johnson is the X-factor. If he pitches like he did most of last year, Lutz could pull off a surprise first place finish. But I doubt it.
I’ll sqeak by Lutz by 30.
Prediction: Third Place
The Hulk says: “Randy old and ugly but throw hard!”
Randy Johnson- Ed Courtney
Ed is the old man of the league. He is the only known exception of the “Ed Theory” which states that “Once you get married, you begin to suck at fantasy sports”. That combined with his excessive free time in Colorado is a deadly combination.
Offense (2.8)
Ed’s offense is all about a Portland Trailblazersesque balance. His top guy, Lance Berkman is at 3.3 and his low guy, Ryan Klesko is at 2.7. That leaves a lot of 2.9 and 3.1ish guys.
It’s not inspiring, but there are no immediate holes either (depending on how you feel about Jeff Conine).
I can’t stand guys named Dirk, Austin, or Dillon. So it’s with joy that I see Austin Kearns taking a month or two off from hitting.
Rating: B
Starting Pitching: (16.1)
I’ll admit it, I love Pedro. He says some dumb things sometimes (accusing Peter Gammons of racism for saying Zito deserved the Cy Young), but he also says some hilarious stuff (I’d knock the Bambino on his ass), and he’s the best pitcher in the game when he’s healthy.
When a 5’9 guy throws 98 on the gun and throws at people’s chins without blinking, it warms my heart.
DONTRELLE! He’s quickly taking Zo’s place in the heart of Floridians, and how bout that windup? Dontrelle, you so crazy!
Hi, I’m Matt Morris and I’m a pansy. My arm hurts. I miss you DK.
Garland, Zambrano, Russ Ortiz, Pavano, Eaton, Lilly, (and it pains me to say it) D’Amico. Yawn.
Rating: A-
Relief Pitching: (7.1)
Is there a better name than Ugueth Urbina? Has there ever been anyone else with the initials U.U.? And how fast will Urbina’s value drop now that he’s the setup man for Braden Looper. Yep.
Add that to a possible Benitez trade, and Ed could be begging Lutz for Rocky Biddle. That would be amusing
Rating: C-
Intangibles: They don’t call him Deacon Shady for nothing. Ed’s smooth dealings like Pedro Astasio for Ichiro and Richie Sexson, and getting Edgar Martinez for 3rd base eligibility, usually give him a big boost. Ed has something up his sleeve in Act II.
Rating A-
Overall Rating: B
I see Ed’s offense going up slightly in the second half, Klesko, Tejada, and Berkman are underperforming. Pitching will be very similar to his first half, well..except for relief pitching, ouch..
His current second place is a little decieving since he’s up on games.
Prediction: Fourth Place
The Hulk says: “Me will also crush Bambino like a bug!”
Fo Shizzy- Brian Gower
Fo Shizzy has disappointly vanished as a fantasy sports villain. The days of bragging about his Four Aces, and the trash talking exhibitions are now gone. I almost felt sorry for him after last year’s collapse.
Offense (2.9)
I swear Carlos Delgado gets R.B.I’s now just by batting an eyelash. Of course Delgado’s shoulders may be sore from carrying an infield of Mark Grudzlielanek, Desi Relford, and Corey Koskie.
I don’t feel like writing anything about Garrett Anderson.
Rating: B
Starting Pitching: (16.1)
Unlike last year, Shizzy actually could do better in the second half. Colon is underperforming, as is Ortiz, and Kevin Brown has great second half potential.
Who in the world would predict Jose Lima would be a 20 FP producer again? No one. He’ll be at 14 in 3 weeks. At least he’s the second best quote producing pitcher besides Pedro.
Rating: A-
Relief Pitching: (6.1)
Shizzy learned from last year’s Mike DeJean debacle and picked up Percival from Trevor. Good idea.
Unfortunately, he also has the roller coaster rides that are Billy Koch and Jose Mesa to deal with. Have fun.
Rating: C
Intangibles:
Fo Shizzy is usually fairly good at making trades and waiver wire pickups. Now its just a matter of fighting bad mojo.
Rating: B-
Overall Rating: B-
It was tough to pick between Tim and Shizzy for 5th. It’s almost like picking the winner of the Eastern Conference. It’s a tough call, but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. I’ll take Shizzy because of the Tim= Sarah factor.
Prediction: Fifth Place.
Piazza and the Flamers-Tim Alexander
Yep, the Sarah factor. Tim has the burden of scientific fact dragging him slowly into the abyss with each passing month. His relationship with Sarah has already passed the 16 month zone (Tim can tell you how many days and hours), so the clocks ticking.
On the other hand, Tim has never been a top Fantasy player (unless you count stealing picks from Drage.)
Offense: (3.1)
Ironically Mike Piazza has as many fantasy points as the cost of a 1-800-COLLECT call. I don’t even have a joke here.
Tim also has an abundance of Marlins, (Juan Pierre), former Marlins (Mike Piazza, Preston Wilson) and guys whose names sound like fish (Tim Salmon).
Rating: A-
Starting Pitching: (16.0)
Ugh. Even if Josh Beckett and Runelvys Hernandez is coming back, Tim has one of those ugly ace-less staffs.
It does have some upside possible, but Joel Pineiro and Brett Myers don’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of men.
Tim’s SP average is very decieving considering he is so far back on games. I can’t wait until he throws John Lackey and Kyle Lohse out there to make up for it.
Rating: C
Relief Pitching: (7.9)
As I said last year, I have a weakness in my heart for huge goggled Canadians. It’s interesting to note that the top 3 fantasy players right now are all underrated....Smoltz, Gagne and Jason Schmidt.
Lets get this straight...Mike McDougal should NOT be an All-Star.
Rating: A-
Intangibles: I give Tim credit for always being a contender, but too bad it’s contending for fourth or fifth place.
Rating: C+
Overall Rating B-
Like I said before, it was tough picking Shizzy over Tim. But I looked at each teams top 3 SP, Mussina, Kevin Brown, Colon, against Piniero, Myers and Andy Pettite...and it seemed easier.
Prediction: Sixth Place
Twelve Gauge Tomales-
Miller, Miller, Miller. The man, the mystery.
Question: Why is Miller so obsessed with players under 25?
Question: Why does Miller always have good pitching and a horrible offense (at least his infield)?
Question: Why does Miller only post in the rumor mill once a year?
Question: What the heck does Miller do now?
Offense: (2.8)
Again, the offense average is decieving because Miller is behind in games.
Miller’s offense is actually not that bad this year, but I’m not a big believer in Ben Molina, Marlon Anderson, Jay Gibbons, and Eric Hinske. Once Mike Sweeney comes back, that will definately help.
Rating: B-
Starting Pitching: (15.8)
If Miller’s pitching was a pickup basketball team, it would be named Triple Threat. Zito, Mulder, Halladay are the best 1-2-3 combo in the league.
Unfortunately Miller has nothing after that. Ben Sheets, Rodrigo Lopez (7.5???) and Brian Lawrence and Jake Peavy ain’t exactly WMD. (Is there anything more annoying than the acroynm WMD? It makes my skin crawl.)
Rating: B
Relief Pitching: (8.1)
Excuse me if I’m bitter at Keith Foulke for blowing four (FOUR!) saves for Tim Hudson.
Rating: C
Intangibles:
I love Brian Miller but he doesn’t exactly come through in the clutch.
And I don’t think Tim’s comparison of Miller and Royals backup scrub Morgan Burkhart did him much good either.
Rating: D
Overall Rating: C+
Miller could once again be a nice dark horse pick, but that offense has too many holes and those 4th and 5th starters are brutal. Maybe, next year big guy.
Prediction: Seventh Place
Schilling-Sarkis Hitti
Poor Sarkis. Once a bright eyed young college student, now dragged down by The Man. (that man being Sam Walton). But hey at least he doesn’t have those crazy night shifts anymore.
Offense: (2.7)
Javy Lopez, Vernon Wells, good. Infield bad.
Rating: C
Starting Pitching: (15.2)
It’s all about Curt Schilling. Bottom Line. If Schilling comes back and dominates as he’s done the past couple seasons, Sarkis can upset Heupel for eighth.
Loaiza (21.6) will be interesting to watch in the second half.
Benson, Odalis Perez, Miguel Batista are just along for the ride.
Rating: B-
Relief Pitching: (4.5)
Yuck.
Rating: F+
Intangibles:
Sarkis is like a St. Louis version of Miller, but he has a love for Kris Benson instead of guys under 25.
Rating: C-
Overall: C-
This is a stretch to pick Sarkis eighth, I must admit, but its partly a slap in the fact to Heupel. But if Sarkis gets some Schilling love, this is possible.
Prediction: Eighth Place.
ROUS (Rodents of Unusual Size) - Heupel
I’ve had many a rumor mill post about Heupel this season, so I shan’t repeat everything I said, but I will once again say that Heupel this season is the Isiah Thomas of our League....doing so little with so much.
Steinbrenner would of fired him in week 2.
Offense: (3.1)
Best outfield in the league. Bar none. Right now Heupel has Jim Edmonds (3.5), Johnny Damon (3.5), Bonds (4.8), Sheffield (4.4) and Bernie Williams, his worst starting OF with 3,4. He also has Jay Payton (3.0 on the bench, Excuse me while I cry.
But how bout that infield...Rich Aurilia and Jose Valentin may be the worst combo of starters in the league and Michael Young is maxing out right now at 2.6.
But did I mention that Heupel is almost 100 games back of Lutz on offense? Ouch.
Rating: B
Starting Pitching (17.0)
Right now Heupel has a stunning 3 guys averaging close to 20 FPG (Nomo, Prior, and David Wells) and a hot Freddy Garcia. Throw in Tom Glavine as a fifth starter, and you have quite a formidable bunch.
Rating: A-
Relief Pitching (5.0)
Sure, Heupel has improved his 2.0 relieving average from mid-May, but how could you not?
I also added a minus for having a middle reliever on his roster for most of the year,
Rating: D-
Intangibles:
He’s gone through weeks with Johnny Damon and Jeff Kent on the bench, with a shaky infield, and yet he makes no trades for either closing or infield help.
It makes no sense to me.
What a waste of a great team.
Rating: F
Bad management, the ever-closing in Ed theory, and last year’s horrible finish don’t exactly inspire lofty expectations.
Overall Rating: C-
Prediction: Ninth Place.
