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Midseason review- Midwest Pimps Fantasy Baseball League
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
-Continued because of Blog length issues...
Dr. D'Amico - Ryan Smith
And you were expecting who else? C'mon last year I was in ninth place when I picked myself to finish 2nd. (Though in 2002 I picked myself 4th and I got 4th) So, if I'm in first place at the All-Star break and down in pitching starts, you better believe Im going to pick myself to win it all.
Plus I'm overcoming posts like this from Ed. In the preseason picks...he BARELY picked me over Heupel...and had me losing badly to Lutz.
"This one is pretty tough to call. The thing in D’Amico’s favor is that he has to be feeling some pressure to perform this year. After finishing near the top in baseball, basketball and football for the first years of our fantasy league’s existence, D’Amico’s skills have started to slide, culminating with his 1st to 4th drop in football. He is showing signs of becoming the Quin Snyder of the Midwest Pimps. Unable to deal with the high expectations that came from success in the early 2000’s, he now talks about how he just wants his team to have fun and come together and remember that fantasy sports is a G-A-M-E. Let’s leave those kind of posts to Todd and neo-Todd Trevor. The question is, with his back against the wall, will D’Amico go early-era Quin and lead an underperforming team to the Elite Eight as a 12th seed, or will he go today’s Quin, leading an underperforming team to a first-round loss in the NIT?"
Of course, my team did suck in the beginning. I spent the first two weeks in last place. But then came late April...and I made this post in the rumor mill..
"Guess what kids, I'm passing Ed tonight, and I'm coming for you next, Lutz. Usually my meteoric rise in fantasy baseball happens in August, but this year, it's late April.
My team is juiced, errr.... not in the Barry Bonds way, of course. They've got the Eye of the Tiger.
My team sucked in the first week and a half/two weeks of the season. I had one pitching win out of my first nine starts. Delgado was averaging 1.3 FP, Alou was at 1.9, Brian Roberts and Melvin Mora was below 2.2. Maddux was at -3.5 after two starts. NEGATIVE!
My offense as a whole was stuck at 1.9 to 2.0 range and my pitching was in the 7 range.
At one point, I sunk down to last place for several days. After disappointing finishes in football (I choked) and in basketball (I sucked), doing this poorly in baseball had me questioning my own manhood. Should I retire from fantasy sports? I didn't even have a significant other holding me back.
But then something happened. Something magic.
Moises took me aside in the locker room after going 0-5 with 2K's against the Reds and looked me straight in the eye and said, 'If you don't give up, I won't give up'.
He called over Rondell White, who has been bounced from team to team dealing with underachievement and injuries and this year was exiled to the crappy Detroit Tigers. Rondell brings scrappy teammate Carlos Guillen with him.
'Rondell, it's time', Alou said. And they both stuck their hands out over each other.
In comes, Adrian Beltre who at just 27 years old, seemed to be washed up, resigned to seasons of hitting .240 with 15 home runs.
'ADRIAN!' Moises yelled.
In strolled three Orioles teammates, Melvin Mora, who had about 20 million errors since being moved to third base this season, Brian Roberts, a relative unknown, and the recently waived Jay Gibbons. These Orioles were known as 'The scrubs not named Miguel Tejada, Javy Lopez, or Raphael Palmeiro.'
They also out their hands in the middle of the circle.
They chanted for the 38-year old Greg Maddux, who in the first three starts of the season had been knocked around more than Christina Aguilera. Maddux joined the circle and brought with him unknown Twins closer Joe Nathan.
And finally one last person walked in the room, Armando Benitez, the closer gone bad, who after stellar seasons with the Mets a couple years ago, seemed destined for mediocracy or worse.
Benitez kicked a bucket of gatorade over and then started leading the cheers.
It was a defining moment for this team, and you've seen the results ever since. I moved from 12th place to 8 points out of second. The leader of my team, Benitez leads all players in points, and guys like Alou, Rondell White, and Adrian Beltre leading the charge.
Sure, its a long season, and things can change fast....but i know now that I, and my scrappy team will not give up."
The names have changed somewhat since then, (Wily Mo Pena,, anyone?) but not the results...
Offense: Hands down the deepest offense in the league, and thats even after trading Moises and Luis Gonzalez going down soon. The funny thing is, it wasn't my high draft picks that did it for me this season, it was my low draft picks and waiver wire pickups. Delgado, Bret Boone and until recently Furcal, were bad.
C.H.i.P.S., Brian Roberts, Beltre, and Carlos Guillen were or all valuable members of my team I got from late, late rounds or the wire. Even guys like Melvin Mora and Alou I got in the middle rounds and have played well. Does anyone else know I have 3 3rd basemen with averages over 3.4 FP/G? Why anyone hasn't offered a trade for one of them is beyond me.
My only real hole is 2nd base, where Bret Boone is living up to his "every other year" theory.
Rating: A-
Pitching: Starting pitching is obviously the chink in the armor, and thats why I made a move for Westbrook. One of my few bad decisions this year is spot starting Jon Lieber. He has a 12.6 average and is 7-6 overall, but he has a 3 point average and is 1-5 when I start him. Ouch.
Hopefully Hudson will come back soon, so I can get away from relying on him and David Wells.
On the other hand, why aren't more people talking about Yohan Santana? Santana's had a bigger string of hits than his Rob Thomas/Michelle Branch days. Not convinced? Check out his fantasy points for his last 8 starts: 33, 35, 36, 36, 24, 60, 23, 35....and his strikeout totals, 10, 7, 12, 10, 12, 13, 11, 9. Also note in those two twenty something games he only gave up 2 runs in 8 innings.
All in this game of love.
Example #23945 of the unpredictabilty of closers: I have the best relief pitching in the game and my closers are Armando Benitez and Joe Nathan.
Starting Pitching: B- Relief Pitching: A
Intangibles: I've probably bragged enough already.
Rating: A
2nd Half Prognosis: FIRST PLACE
After five agonizing seasons of being an also ran, its time to taste victory in Fantasy Baseball.
Trevor posts of the year....
This year I have been fortunate enough to have Trotter as my teammate. He has been the perfect ying to my yang. He's agressive, goes with his gut and is bold like a steak that needs no sauce. As for the trade, eh, we might get ripped off, but then again we've got Randy Johnson and Manny Ramirez now, and we weren't going to win with the guys we had and we weren't goign to keep them either. Last year we made similar gambles and I don't think those were quite failures (Vlad, Roy-O, AROD). And I was too tentative to accept the trade. That's where my teammate Trotter picked me up. (Lutz you can picture Trotter and I highfiving right about now in mid-80s basketball uniforms, think TeenWolf, Trotter of course has the rec specs andI have the drenched sweatband). And we were about to trade Soriano and Harden for Kevin Brown and Jason Giambi a week ago, so, eh, we'll call it a wash. But with teams like Smith's, Ed's and Lutz's and Ben's and Tim's and, gulp, Hopkins, we had to make a move to give us a slight chance at finishing higher than 3rd. there is so much more parity thn last year, excpet for Smith who I think could run away with it if because so far some key players on his team have significantly under achieved. And what if Soriano, 3 years older than last year, switches to the outfield. We're screwed. I have the utmost confidence in my HETERO-LIFEMATE Trotter.He's goignt to eb the hardest workign man in fantasy baseball. If you want to criticize someone for the trade or anything else, criticize me. Trotter is going to do a GREAT JOB.
(There is something just poetically ironic about the above post...it makes me smile)
Essentially Trotter takes what I have to say, boils it down into three words and possibly a grunt for emphasis and goes about his business. I on the other hand am long winded, repetitive and meandering. Trotter is like the great general of the Kansas City Braves war machien and I am a loyal PR lacky (and might I add loving every minute of it!). Without Trotter in this league we would risk the MWPL going the way of Men's Pro Tennis. You've got a herd of Pete Sampras clones near the top, a sprinkling of John McEnroe (Lutz) and then you have the second coming of Bobby Riggs in Trotter(minus losing to a girl as an old man). Or if you wanted to take it a step further, Trotter is the Andy Roddick of the MWPL and dare I say The Rock. Otherwise its just Bjorn Borg, Boris Becker and I guess Smith is Agassi like, though I hear his return game is anything but.
I see Shizzy as the Jim Courier of the league. Ed is definetly the Arthur Ashe. Or maybe Ben Heimann is the Courier and then Cliff is the Michael Stich because just like he could only play on clay court Cliff dominant in football but then turns in, lets say some Peter McEnroe performances. Hessel was of course Borg in his silent greatness. I feel Naufel would be the Jimmy Connors. Pete Sampras coudl be any number of MWPLers. Post any other cross-sport comparisons, I would like to see them. I don't know who Dan would be? Anna Kournikova perhaps? And then the Lewtons could be the Willams sisters, Ben being Venus.
Dr. D'Amico - Ryan Smith
And you were expecting who else? C'mon last year I was in ninth place when I picked myself to finish 2nd. (Though in 2002 I picked myself 4th and I got 4th) So, if I'm in first place at the All-Star break and down in pitching starts, you better believe Im going to pick myself to win it all.
Plus I'm overcoming posts like this from Ed. In the preseason picks...he BARELY picked me over Heupel...and had me losing badly to Lutz.
"This one is pretty tough to call. The thing in D’Amico’s favor is that he has to be feeling some pressure to perform this year. After finishing near the top in baseball, basketball and football for the first years of our fantasy league’s existence, D’Amico’s skills have started to slide, culminating with his 1st to 4th drop in football. He is showing signs of becoming the Quin Snyder of the Midwest Pimps. Unable to deal with the high expectations that came from success in the early 2000’s, he now talks about how he just wants his team to have fun and come together and remember that fantasy sports is a G-A-M-E. Let’s leave those kind of posts to Todd and neo-Todd Trevor. The question is, with his back against the wall, will D’Amico go early-era Quin and lead an underperforming team to the Elite Eight as a 12th seed, or will he go today’s Quin, leading an underperforming team to a first-round loss in the NIT?"
Of course, my team did suck in the beginning. I spent the first two weeks in last place. But then came late April...and I made this post in the rumor mill..
"Guess what kids, I'm passing Ed tonight, and I'm coming for you next, Lutz. Usually my meteoric rise in fantasy baseball happens in August, but this year, it's late April.
My team is juiced, errr.... not in the Barry Bonds way, of course. They've got the Eye of the Tiger.
My team sucked in the first week and a half/two weeks of the season. I had one pitching win out of my first nine starts. Delgado was averaging 1.3 FP, Alou was at 1.9, Brian Roberts and Melvin Mora was below 2.2. Maddux was at -3.5 after two starts. NEGATIVE!
My offense as a whole was stuck at 1.9 to 2.0 range and my pitching was in the 7 range.
At one point, I sunk down to last place for several days. After disappointing finishes in football (I choked) and in basketball (I sucked), doing this poorly in baseball had me questioning my own manhood. Should I retire from fantasy sports? I didn't even have a significant other holding me back.
But then something happened. Something magic.
Moises took me aside in the locker room after going 0-5 with 2K's against the Reds and looked me straight in the eye and said, 'If you don't give up, I won't give up'.
He called over Rondell White, who has been bounced from team to team dealing with underachievement and injuries and this year was exiled to the crappy Detroit Tigers. Rondell brings scrappy teammate Carlos Guillen with him.
'Rondell, it's time', Alou said. And they both stuck their hands out over each other.
In comes, Adrian Beltre who at just 27 years old, seemed to be washed up, resigned to seasons of hitting .240 with 15 home runs.
'ADRIAN!' Moises yelled.
In strolled three Orioles teammates, Melvin Mora, who had about 20 million errors since being moved to third base this season, Brian Roberts, a relative unknown, and the recently waived Jay Gibbons. These Orioles were known as 'The scrubs not named Miguel Tejada, Javy Lopez, or Raphael Palmeiro.'
They also out their hands in the middle of the circle.
They chanted for the 38-year old Greg Maddux, who in the first three starts of the season had been knocked around more than Christina Aguilera. Maddux joined the circle and brought with him unknown Twins closer Joe Nathan.
And finally one last person walked in the room, Armando Benitez, the closer gone bad, who after stellar seasons with the Mets a couple years ago, seemed destined for mediocracy or worse.
Benitez kicked a bucket of gatorade over and then started leading the cheers.
It was a defining moment for this team, and you've seen the results ever since. I moved from 12th place to 8 points out of second. The leader of my team, Benitez leads all players in points, and guys like Alou, Rondell White, and Adrian Beltre leading the charge.
Sure, its a long season, and things can change fast....but i know now that I, and my scrappy team will not give up."
The names have changed somewhat since then, (Wily Mo Pena,, anyone?) but not the results...
Offense: Hands down the deepest offense in the league, and thats even after trading Moises and Luis Gonzalez going down soon. The funny thing is, it wasn't my high draft picks that did it for me this season, it was my low draft picks and waiver wire pickups. Delgado, Bret Boone and until recently Furcal, were bad.
C.H.i.P.S., Brian Roberts, Beltre, and Carlos Guillen were or all valuable members of my team I got from late, late rounds or the wire. Even guys like Melvin Mora and Alou I got in the middle rounds and have played well. Does anyone else know I have 3 3rd basemen with averages over 3.4 FP/G? Why anyone hasn't offered a trade for one of them is beyond me.
My only real hole is 2nd base, where Bret Boone is living up to his "every other year" theory.
Rating: A-
Pitching: Starting pitching is obviously the chink in the armor, and thats why I made a move for Westbrook. One of my few bad decisions this year is spot starting Jon Lieber. He has a 12.6 average and is 7-6 overall, but he has a 3 point average and is 1-5 when I start him. Ouch.
Hopefully Hudson will come back soon, so I can get away from relying on him and David Wells.
On the other hand, why aren't more people talking about Yohan Santana? Santana's had a bigger string of hits than his Rob Thomas/Michelle Branch days. Not convinced? Check out his fantasy points for his last 8 starts: 33, 35, 36, 36, 24, 60, 23, 35....and his strikeout totals, 10, 7, 12, 10, 12, 13, 11, 9. Also note in those two twenty something games he only gave up 2 runs in 8 innings.
All in this game of love.
Example #23945 of the unpredictabilty of closers: I have the best relief pitching in the game and my closers are Armando Benitez and Joe Nathan.
Starting Pitching: B- Relief Pitching: A
Intangibles: I've probably bragged enough already.
Rating: A
2nd Half Prognosis: FIRST PLACE
After five agonizing seasons of being an also ran, its time to taste victory in Fantasy Baseball.
Trevor posts of the year....
This year I have been fortunate enough to have Trotter as my teammate. He has been the perfect ying to my yang. He's agressive, goes with his gut and is bold like a steak that needs no sauce. As for the trade, eh, we might get ripped off, but then again we've got Randy Johnson and Manny Ramirez now, and we weren't going to win with the guys we had and we weren't goign to keep them either. Last year we made similar gambles and I don't think those were quite failures (Vlad, Roy-O, AROD). And I was too tentative to accept the trade. That's where my teammate Trotter picked me up. (Lutz you can picture Trotter and I highfiving right about now in mid-80s basketball uniforms, think TeenWolf, Trotter of course has the rec specs andI have the drenched sweatband). And we were about to trade Soriano and Harden for Kevin Brown and Jason Giambi a week ago, so, eh, we'll call it a wash. But with teams like Smith's, Ed's and Lutz's and Ben's and Tim's and, gulp, Hopkins, we had to make a move to give us a slight chance at finishing higher than 3rd. there is so much more parity thn last year, excpet for Smith who I think could run away with it if because so far some key players on his team have significantly under achieved. And what if Soriano, 3 years older than last year, switches to the outfield. We're screwed. I have the utmost confidence in my HETERO-LIFEMATE Trotter.He's goignt to eb the hardest workign man in fantasy baseball. If you want to criticize someone for the trade or anything else, criticize me. Trotter is going to do a GREAT JOB.
(There is something just poetically ironic about the above post...it makes me smile)
Essentially Trotter takes what I have to say, boils it down into three words and possibly a grunt for emphasis and goes about his business. I on the other hand am long winded, repetitive and meandering. Trotter is like the great general of the Kansas City Braves war machien and I am a loyal PR lacky (and might I add loving every minute of it!). Without Trotter in this league we would risk the MWPL going the way of Men's Pro Tennis. You've got a herd of Pete Sampras clones near the top, a sprinkling of John McEnroe (Lutz) and then you have the second coming of Bobby Riggs in Trotter(minus losing to a girl as an old man). Or if you wanted to take it a step further, Trotter is the Andy Roddick of the MWPL and dare I say The Rock. Otherwise its just Bjorn Borg, Boris Becker and I guess Smith is Agassi like, though I hear his return game is anything but.
I see Shizzy as the Jim Courier of the league. Ed is definetly the Arthur Ashe. Or maybe Ben Heimann is the Courier and then Cliff is the Michael Stich because just like he could only play on clay court Cliff dominant in football but then turns in, lets say some Peter McEnroe performances. Hessel was of course Borg in his silent greatness. I feel Naufel would be the Jimmy Connors. Pete Sampras coudl be any number of MWPLers. Post any other cross-sport comparisons, I would like to see them. I don't know who Dan would be? Anna Kournikova perhaps? And then the Lewtons could be the Willams sisters, Ben being Venus.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Dr. D's Midwest Pimps Midseason Review 2004
-This is the fifth fantasy baseball season for the Midwest Pimps. (Wow, is that right? I just felt a grey hair pop on my head) and it's been a wild and wacky regular season and fantasy season so far, I must say.
What have we learned so far?
-The Cardinals are better than we thought at the beginning of the season. The Royals are not. On a side note, how sad is your team when you are reminescing about your "dream season" of finishing 4 games over .500?
-The Cubs are still waiting to break out. The Astros just may break. Where art thou, Larry Dierker?
-The Brewers and D-Rays are duking it out for the Feel-Good team of the year award.
-The Seattle Mariners 2004 experience is a lot like Cocoon 2.
-We gave the Christian Coalition more convincing evidence against domestic partnerships (The Trevtor Experiment)
-We know that Ryan Lutz has way too much time on his hands.
-Barry Bonds isn't too bad at baseball.
-Sidney Ponson may have had a Cadbury egg too many.
-Shawn Chacon is the Jose Jimenez for the mid-2000's.
-Mike Piazza is still gay.
Team Curt Schilling - Sarkis
I almost feel bad for picking Sarkis last. But not *too* bad, if you know what I mean.
It's sorta like the Royals where you kind of feel bad that they're a second rate franchise that almost always sucks because they have a charming little ballpark in a small market just as Sarkis is a nice enough guy who's slaving away at Wally-World and never seems to finish well in our league.
But in the end, you just get this feeling that with the Royals and with Sarkis, its part misfortune and circumstances and part incompetence to blame for their failings. As the saying goes, "You make your own luck", And also as the saying goes... "You started HOW many outfielders?" Touche.
Offense-
Sarkis's offense actually rocked....in 1999. But Mike Piazza, Ken Griffey Jr., Sammy Sosa and Jeromy Burnitz's best days are behind them, and I'm not sure if David Bell ever had a "best days", but we might assume that it is now with a stunning 2.7 average. Out of his other 1999 All-Stars, the Pride of Peoria Jim Thome is holding up well, and former Rock TV star Jim Edmonds is coming on strong, but it's not enough. Sarkis complains about Troy Glaus getting injured, but it's Troy Glaus. Like I said before make your own luck.
Oh and by the way, Sarkis's starting shortstop is Cesar Izturis. In other words, by the end of the season the rest of his team is bound to stab him in the back in an Ides of March recreation. "Et Tu, Paul Konerko?"
Rating: D+ (1999 rating A-)
Pitching-
Sarkis is still desperately clinging to his critic defying early drafting of Curt Schilling a few years ago as his coup de grace. It sure was a good pick. Yep. Like Two years ago. Tick. Hmm. Tock.
The rest of his pitching staff is pretty uninspiring - Esteban Loaiza's 15 minutes are about up (it was a joke that he went to All-Star game), Jarrod Washburn is maddingly inconsistant, Al Leiter I don't think has struck out anyone in 2 years, and Russ Ortiz just bothers me -something with that Braves turtleneck and his double chin. Watch him sometime, you'll see. The relieving core of Matt Herges and Danny Graves is pretty medicore also. Anyone else notice Graves has 7 blown saves? Graves is going down with the Reds pennant hopes.
Starting pitching: C- Relief pitching: C
Intangibles-
Starting only three outfielders half of the season and making no trades and few significant waiver wire moves won't raise the grade any.
Rating: F
2nd Half Prognosis: 12th place
-Sarkis should change his team name to: "Curt Schilling and the 1999 All-Stars"
Team: I Hate Jimy Williams - Tim
The good news is that Tim may temporarily buck the “Ed Theory” which states that “Once you get married, you begin to suck at fantasy sports”. The bad news is that in baseball, it would be near impossible to suck worse.
Offense: There's a lot of speed here with Ichiro, Juan Uribe, Carl Crawford, Chone Figgins, Beltran, and some very cool names, but only Beltran and maybe Crawford's actual fantasy performance stands out. (Tim knows we're not playing rotisserie right?)
There's also some overrated or underachieving sluggers: Bernie Williams, Adam Dunn, Nomar. Ryan Klesko. Throw in a washed up Edgardo Alfonzo, Jeff Bagwell and Juan Gonzalez and you have part 2 of Sarkis's 1999 All-Stars.
Rating: D+
Pitching: Through a mysterious science experiment Tim suddenly became Bryan Miller when picking his pitching staff. But his Barely Legal staff of Josh Beckett, Brett Myers, Brandon Webb, and Zack Grienke have gotten slammed so far this year, and perhaps it's time Tim ship them off to the proverbial military school to help them grow up a little.
Tim also shipped the preimiere closer of the league in Gagne to Ed and now has average to better than average closers in Lidge and "Double-U".
Starting Pitching: F+ Relief pitching: B
Intangibles: It should be noted that Tim not only dropped Chris Carpenter (who was 20+ FP/G before his last start) after a win, but he also dropped David Wells (who since has averaged 19 FP/G on my team) and possible 2nd half breakout candidate Morgan Ensberg. Ouch.
Rating: F
2nd Half Prognosis: 11th place
Ding Dong! Tim's getting married during the home stretch. Welcome to the fantasy cellar!
Tim should change his team name to: "Here Sara, You Take It"
Team: In Dusty We Trusty- Jon Heupel
For the last two seasons, Heupel managed his team like Phil Jackson coached the Lakers this season. Which is to say...not much. (If you watched the Finals especially, you know what I mean) Both Jon and Phil won a championship two years ago, and both seemed to mail it in for the next two seasons. Both had good "keepers" Bonds/Rolen, Sheffield, Mark Prior and Kobe and Shaq, and surrounded them with subpar supporting casts.
Of course, Heupel and Phil Jackson may have somewhat legit reasons for slacking.. Heupel with working 18 hour days at his Office Space like corporate job and his demanding girlfriend and Phil Jackson having to juggle the egos of Shaq, Kobe, and GP and keep his sanity.
So, its with some amount of satisfaction to see Heupel doing more managing this season. Keep it up, big guy,
Offense: Heupel's always had the Big Guns on offense, and this year is no exception. Sheff, Frank Thomas, Scott Rolen, etc. etc. In fact, with Frank Thomas in the lineup, he only has two sub 3.0 guys in the lineup. Jack Wilson and Darin Erstad are the only holes in the lineup right now, and those aren't terrible holes.
Oh and how about Johnny Damon right now. He showed up to spring training with the Sox sporting a Jesus-esque full beard and a scruffy shoulder length mane of dark hair, shaved the beard in May, but now its back and Damon IS ON FIRE!
Yes, he's been mocked in the media as the “Unfrozen Caveman”, he’s been teasingly labelled “Johnny the Baptist”, but some of us see unkempt Red Sox center fielder for what he truly is- a hero.
Rating: A
Pitching: Possibly one of the worst first half pitching performances in Midwest Pimps history. Just murderous. Consider the fact that in May, Heupel's rotation consisted of Hideo "I Got" Nomo who has get this, 38 fantasy points for the season, Jose Acevedo, Victor Zambrano, and Carlos Silva. Granted not having Prior for two months definately hurts, but 8.5 FP/G for your pitching staff? Really? Am I reading that right? And don't get me started on the bullpen. It's looking a lot better now, but last month it was Daenys Baez, Rocky Biddle and Jorge Julio. The Third Amigos...of suck.
Rating: F
Intangibles: Looking better than in the last couple years, but still not at peak 2001 level. He hasn't pulled off any good trades for starting pitching, but made some nice waiver moves to get good closers. The jury is still out.
Rating: C
Second Half Prognosis: 10th place
I have a feeling Heupel will drag himself out of the cellar and nose out Tim for 10th. And 10th always feels better if you're in last most of the season.
Heupel should change his team name to: - "In Awful Pitching We Trusty"
Team: Wheatland NWA- Cliff Lewton
Well, now that I don't live with Cliff anymore.. (we moved out and went our seperate ways a few weeks ago) I can feel free to take shots at his fantasy team. But sadly there isn't a whole lots to say except that most of the team is old, REALLY OLD. In fact, I don't know who is older, the Supreme Court or Cliff's team. Lets see... I count one guy over 40 (Jamie Moyer), 4 guys really close to 40 (Tom Glavine, Craig Biggio, Kenny Rogers, Omar Vizquel), and lots of other guys in their early to mid 30's. Somewhere Bryan Miller is crying. Loudly.
Offense: For the second year in a row, I dropped a guy at the beginning of the season (Marcus Giles last year, now Vinny Castilla) who ends up having a career year on Cliff's team. Glad I could be of service. Was anyone else as shocked as I was to find out that Lew Ford is white? I'm still in shock. I dunno, for the most part no one on Cliff's offense is having a remarkable year.
I will admit though, that I gained a ton of respect for Derek Jeter after his face-breaking dive into the stands for the catch against the Red Sox. With a few exceptions, I dont know many players who would try that kind of stunt, much less a pretty-boy Yankee whose won championships already in a REGULAR SEASON GAME. Craziness.
Rating: C-
Pitching: Another aging mediocre staff filled with guys who are either surprises (Tom Glavine, Jason Marquis, Kenny Rogers) or disappointments (Randy Wolf, Woody Williams, Andy Pettitte). My favorite is Horacio Ramirez, who couldn't buy a win earlier this season before he got hurt. Watching him give up 1 earned run but 7 unearned in 2 innings because of 7 Braves errors (3 by Mark DeRosa) was one of the highlights of the year. The relief pitching has been solid, however.
Starting pitching: C- Relief pitching: B
Intangibles: Cliff's still in just his second year but he's usually good at waiver wire pickups. He's made a couple of decent if unspectacular trades. It seems like in fantasy sports he's either in the top or the bottom of the standings. (Which partly because he intentionally tanks every other fantasy sport).
Rating: B-
Second Half Prognosis: 9th Place
I'm taking a risk here since Cliff could still intentionally tank, though I hope not since we put some measures in that will guard against that. Cliff's team looks OK, with some guys due to have a good 2nd half (Clement, GIles brothers) and others to go back down to earth (Kenny Rogers, Lew Ford, Francisco Cordero)
Cliff should change his team name to "The Wheatland NWAARP"
Team: Termites -Ben Heimann
Ben Heimann spoke at the Rock last Saturday night which begged two questions.
1. Are they now just picking speakers by drawing names out of a hat?
2. Why didn't he have the church pray for his starting pitching?
Both questions are mysteries, but the biggest mystery is how Heimann's team will finish in the standings. It's hard to predict at the point.
Offense: Did anyone else realize that the Cleveland Indians somehow had 5 All-Stars this year? That's quite a lot for a team skating around the .500 mark and hasn't been good since Juan Gonzalez had a back. But possibly the most deserving of them was Victor Martinez, who is second only to Pudge in catcher fantasy points. But unfortunately for Heimann, he doesnt have much else production besides Miguel "Even though I won the HR derby and broke the record I was still overshadowed" Tejada and Steve Finley. On the plus side, Luis Castillo, Chipper Jones and Preston Wilson may have much better 2nd halves.
Rating: C-
Pitching: Besides Vic Martinez and Tejada, Heimann's only other All-Star is Ted Lilly. Yes, that is not a misprint, Ted Lilly. That's how sad the Blue Jays were in the first half. It doesn't really say much for Heimann's starting rotation either. Kerry Wood's great when healthy, but he missed over a month and it hurt Heimann. Eric Milton is all smoke and mirrors, without those 2 billion runs of support, he'd be a 10 FP/G pitcher. Kevin Millwood, hah. The Braves are looking smarter all the time for the C.H.i.P's deal.
Heimann's money is in the relieving. Billy "Call me Mike" Wagner and Mariano Rivera have been the anchors of his team.
Starting Pitching D+ Relief pitching: A-
Intangibles: Sometimes its easy to forget Heimann's in the league. He and Miller combine for about 3 posts a season, and he rarely makes trades. On the other hand, he doesn't do anything stupid and he had a decent draft.
Rating: C
2nd Half Prognosis: 8th place
If Wood, Wade Miller, Derrek Lee, Chipper and Preston turn it on in the second half, Heimann could finish as high as 4th or 5th. There's a lot of question marks.
Heimann should change the name of his team to: "Termite Infested Kerry Wood" (sorry, that's all I got right now)
Team: "Miller's Thrillers" - Bryan Miller
I give Miller props to sticking to his guns..and by that I mean Young Guns. Every year you look at his team and it feels like a rebuilding project..its all young guys and sleepers. The problem is that while some of them return on their upppppside, others fare far worse. But hey, it's Miller's thang and we love him for it.
Offense: Typically Miller's achilles heel, and this year is no exception. He's got a ton of 2.8 and 2.9ish starters. That's OK when you got some superstars, but his #1 guy is Hank Blalock at 3.2, and Teixeira at 3.3 (but who was out awhile). The rest are typical Miller hit-or-miss under 26 guys..Eric Brynes, Cabrera, Rocco Baldelli, Jose Reyes.
Rating: D-
Pitching: Miller's got his stable of young keeper studs in Mulder, who's been great, Halladay, who's been OK, and Zito, who's sucked. And he also has a suddenly dominating Ben Sheets and rising Jake Peavy to make up arguably the best starting rotation in the league. Relieving-wise Miller is pretty average...Keith Foulke never gets save opportunities because the Red Sox either lose or win by like 20, and Danys Baez...is just there. Jason Frasor warrants watching in the second half.
Starting Pitching: A- Relief pitching: C-
Intangibles: In the past few years Miller's been pretty notably stingy with trades...though I hear he may have a blockbuster in the works with Tim for Beltran. He does a fairly good job at the waiver wire most of the time, but he has a tendancy to leave huge holes in his offense.
Rating: C-
Second Half Prognosis: 7th place
Once again Miller has dark horse potential to be higher in the standings, depending on the ebbs and flows of his young players. But I've been burned in the past for picking Miller too high, and I wont make the same mistake this year.
Miller should change the name of his team to: "Miller's AAA Thrillers"
I'm running out of steam here.... this is the first time I've tried to talk about all 12 teams before, and its starting to feel like work. But I'll try to soldier on as much as I can.
Team: "Welcome Home Vlad" (BTW, changing your entire team name in the middle of the season should be illegal..annoys me to no end). Fo Shizzy aka Bryan Gower.
So, I starting picking the standings last week. A week later, I honestly just looked at his roster and thought...why did I pick him 6th again? Maybe its because I made the predictions before the crazy mind-bending 10 player+ draft pick trade, I dunno. I'd go back and look at his old roster, but frankily, I don't care enough to.
All I know is...
Offense: ...Shizzy's infield is Jason Varitek, David Ortiz, Mark Bellhorn, Julio Lugo and Shea Hillenbrand. In other words, three Red Sox and one former Red Sox not named Manny, Nomar, or Johnny Damon. That is not the makings of a championship team, friends. The outfield is actually one of the best in the league with Jose Guillen, Vlad, and Drew, but man is that infield brutal.
Rating: C+
Pitching: I remember the good ol' days of the "Four Aces". But now Shizzy is going the way of Miller and Tim by trading guys like Mussina and Colon for Diaper Dandy pitchers, but besides Zambrano and possibly Pavano...theres not much interesting here. Dontrelle's flash in the pan number was up sometime in September last year. Once people began to figure out the funk, he's been wildly inconsistant since. Also overrated is Rich Harden, who if he came up through ..say the Pirates farm system, would be just another young pitcher who started out hot when he came up from the minors last year.
But he's on the A's, which makes him gold because he's associated with Hudson, Zito and Mulder.
The rest of the staff is interchangable parts... Burnett, Westbrook, Jaret Wright, Cabrera, Lidle. Blah.
Dan Kolb is someone you see walking down the street and you can say.."Ya know, he looks like a major league baseball player".
Starting Pitching: D Relief Pitching: B
Intangibles: I can't figure out what Shizzy's plan is. To rebuild and go for keepers down a whole 350 points from 1st at the All-Star break with young overrated pitchers? Nonetheless, he's got a proven track record...of finishing somewhere in the middle.
Rating: C
2nd Half Prognosis:
As I said before I don't know what I was thinking picking Shizzy sixth. Finishing this high is possible, but 7th or 8th is more likely.
Shizzy should change his team name to: "The Fleecing of the Four Aces"
Team: KC Braves - Trevor and Trotter
The Trevtor Experiment probably deserves its own column, but as I'm not getting paid for this, so I'll keep it simple. But if you're like me, you're wondering if this whole thing is going to turn out like the Lakers with the two superstars (although you could argue this is more like Kobe and Medvendko more than Kobe and Shaq) barely co-existing on the same team... the silent treatments, the terse public statements in the rumor mill..the Oswalt trade... Things are going to get ugly folks, and there could be a dismantling after the season. It will be interesting to see how it shakes down....
Offense:
In Trevor's 1 and 1/2 seasons of Midwest Pimps, the crux of his success has been his offense. Well, that and strong relief pitching. While most of the league cuts off left arms and other appendanges for young pitching, Trevor stocks up on the Big Bats and it's a smart way to go.
Now Trotter has sort of convoluted Trevor's theory, and a couple of trades later, the offense doesn't look as strong. But its still in the Top 3 of the league..Here's why:
A-Rod and Manny and Abreu. Vlad is back to Shizzy, but Abreu's overall numbers are actually better fantasy wise. Having 3 guys in the upper 3's/lower 4's stratosphere really bolsters an offense. Throw in Aramis and Matt Lawton at 3.4, and Mark Loretta at an incredible 3.3, and Trevor is like the Yankees of the league. Too bad Jody Gerut and Nick Johnson were such a waste of time. The bench is pretty uninspiring also.
Rating: A
Pitching: Pity Randy Johnson. Not only does he have to deal with a being the only good starter with the Diamondbacks, he now has to suffer the same fate on Trevtor's fantasy team. If I were a sports section headline writer I'd come up with something snappy like "SNAKEBITTEN!" or "SNAKE EYES", to talk about Randy here, but I'm not that clever aka gay.
Anyone else noticed Mark Redman has scored a combined -14 points in his last 4 starts? Wow, Mr. Redman its time to go back to writing contemporary worship songs. (and yes, that was an obscure joke).
And with C.C. now shaky (that guy has pitched a TON of innings for his age, that scares me)that leaves such superstars as John Thomson, Steve Trachsel, and Glendon Rusch to flesh out the rest of the rotation.
The jury is still out on Fat Boy Bartolo, but the best thing we can say about Tim Wakefield is that he is part of arguably one of the greatest moments of Reality TV history as part of Average Joe 2.
I've said so much here, I'll skip the relief pitching.
Starting Pitching: D+ Relief Pitching: B
Intangibles: How do I even begin to rate this since we're talking about two different co-owners who seem to be on the opposite side of the spectrum? It's just too hard to predict whats going to happen with this mess..
Rating: N/A
Second Half Prognosis:
I'm going to go ahead and predict a freefall to 5th place because the pitching, is just not good. If Randy goes down, this team is falling faster than Martha Stewart's stock prices. I think though if Trevor takes over and makes a couple moves, this team can get back into contention into possibly 2nd or 3rd place.
Trevor and Trotter should change the name of their team to "Siegfried and Roy"
Team: DJ Hops - Dan Hopkins
With his team in contention, this is possibly the feel good story of the year. Too bad Dan isn't a very sympathic character. He needs to be a Tobey Maguire type to fully be appreciated as a spunky underdog looking to prove the Doubters wrong. Unfortunately, someone named "DJ Hops" will never be mistaken for Rudy.
Offense: Here's an infield for the ages; Tino Martinez, Raul Ibanez, Orlando Hudson, Jose Valentin, Mike Lowell. On second thought, no, it's not. Throw in an outfield that just has slightly more combined points than the Big Unit, and DJ Hops's offense is the Big Suck.
Throwing out Dave Roberts 3.4 average (he doesn't play everyday so he only has 2 more points than Tino) and Mike Lowell's impressive 3.5 average, there's a lot of junk in the trunk. And while that may be good for freakdancing, it doesn't bode well for Fantasy Baseball.
Rating: F+
Pitching: Night and day from the offense. In fact, Hopkins' team is sort of like a less sexy but better version of Millers team. You got Jason Schmidt straight dominating with a 28.4 average, calling for the second year in a row for most Underrated player in the league award. Roger Clemens, running on his 4th or 5th wind, (By the way, anyone read Gary Sheffield's comments basically accusing Clemens of juicing up? Downright hilarious) even though I was giddy with glee watching him get blowed up at the All-Star game.
Right now Hopkins' 3rd, 4th and 5th starter all are over 16 FP/G, which must make Heupel cry.
Also hooked up to the rejuvenation machine this year is the ageless Buddha like wonder of Jose Mesa.
Starting Pitching: A Relief Pitching: B-
Intangibles: Hopkins isn't nearly as loud in making waiver wire moves or trades in fantasy baseball as he is bustin phat rhymes on the mic, but he quietly has improved and holds his own. He still has a lot to prove down the stretch, to borrow a meaningless phrase from sportscasters.
Rating: C
2nd Half Prognosis: I'll go with a fourth place finish. The pitching is great, but it's not enough to completely carry the team. If Hopkins can make some moves for offense, he has the potential to finish higher, but I don't forsee him going higher than 3rd.
Dan should change the name of his team to: "DJ Hops' Ol Gunslingaz"
Lil Bastards - Ryan Lutz
Lutz, is of course, in France right now, which is fitting since his fantasy team is gay with all of the millions of trades and shady and bizarre moves. Comparing his starting day roster to his present roster just hurts my head...and frankily I don't feel like playing the Six Degrees of Jeff Bagwell game.
Lutz is still the Hardest Working Man in fantasy sports, but in baseball this season that work has reached critical mass...and Lutz's team is threatened to implode on itself. I really have no idea what that means, but it sounded sort of neat.
Offense: Once again, Lutz is "Pujols and Friends" on offense. Hows this for a starting infield: Joe Mauer, Travis Hafner, David Newhan, Tony Womack, Bill Mueller. Need I say more? Even Lutz's outfield has one legit star in Pujols...the closest thing is Aubrey Huff at 3.0. By the way, has anyone else noticed Lutz's strange love for Huff, sort of like Sarkis's former love of Kris Benson? Poor Garrett Anderson, he went from underrated to overrated in a few short months.
Rating: C-
Pitching: Do I rate what Lutz has had for the first half or the pitchers he has now, that is the question. Right now Lutz has a more well-rounded staff than he used to, but not having the Unit hurts. Javier Vazquez has been above average, but hes not significantly better fantasy wise despite going from the Expos to the Yankees. Mussina is a huge question mark right now. Lutz got Oswalt for peanuts, but Oswalt has been inconsistant too.
Thank god I got Shawn Chacon last year instead of this year. Lutz's obsession with Rockies closers (Jose Jimenez anyone?) is inexplicable. I have a feeling John Smoltz is going to dominate in the 2nd half.
Starting Pitching: A- Relief Pitching: C+
Intangibles: Lutz has plenty of uppppside just because of his mad trading skillz, though that Randy Johnson trade was still a bit puzzling. When he mentioned making another trip to Columbia just to make some trades, I almost believed him. In fantasy baseball Lutz is a poor man's Lance Armstrong.
Rating: A-
2nd Half Prognosis: 3rd Place
By the way, Lutz has way too many guys on his team with cutesy trendy 80's and 90's baby names... "A.J, Garrett, Geoff, Trot, Ty,". I had a hard time at first picking between Ed and Lutz for 3rd, but the Gagne trade was an uppercut to Lutz's chin.
Lutz should change his team name to: "Pujols and The Revolving Doors"
Team Randy Johnson - Ed Courtney
I've always sort of considered Ed my chief fantasy rival...just because we're competitive in everything... fantasy sports, tennis, Star Wars epic duels, chess, wearing sexy clothes (made you look), so it's going to be quite a second half. I have a feeling Ed and I will be battling like Yoda and Count Dooku (I am Dooku btw) at the end.
Offense:
While Sarkis's team is full of 1999 All-Stars, Ed's team is the 2002 All-Stars which is...well..considerably better. And if you want reasons why Ed will pass Lutz, here it is...Ed's IF of Craig Wilson, Jason Giambi, Soriano, Renteria, and Eric Chavez vs. Lutz's Joe Mauer, Travis Hafner, David Newhan, Tony Womack, Bill Mueller. And that's not even mentioning Barry Bonds and Berkman. (There needs to be a cheesy buddy cop TV show called "Bonds and Berkman"). It's just too bad the fading Shawn Green has to be involved.
Rating: B+
Pitching:
I just can't, just can't love this pitching staff just because there are three Cardinals (Morris, Carpenter, and Suppan) involved. But as always, much love for The Pedro. Cliff Lee is also bound to fall some. The guy is pretty good, but he's NOT 10-1 good. He just isn't.
Ed's bullpen though is looking way up because of the presence of Gagne. Ed's bullpen was just loathsome in the first half.
Starting Pitching: B Relief Pitching: D
Intangibles: Ed doesn't always win, in fact, he's gone through a pretty long drought now, but he always seems to find his way into the Top echelon of contenders. And thats more than we can say about a lot of the league.
Rating: A-
2nd Half Prognosis: 2nd place...
Ed's team is poised for a big 2nd half, especially offensively... I think it will be a three horse run to the finish, with Ed's team falling somewhere in the middle. And once again we're left to wonder how many titles Ed would of had if he had drafted Randy Johnson many a year ago.
Ed should change his name to "Pedro Martinez" (It's time)
-This is the fifth fantasy baseball season for the Midwest Pimps. (Wow, is that right? I just felt a grey hair pop on my head) and it's been a wild and wacky regular season and fantasy season so far, I must say.
What have we learned so far?
-The Cardinals are better than we thought at the beginning of the season. The Royals are not. On a side note, how sad is your team when you are reminescing about your "dream season" of finishing 4 games over .500?
-The Cubs are still waiting to break out. The Astros just may break. Where art thou, Larry Dierker?
-The Brewers and D-Rays are duking it out for the Feel-Good team of the year award.
-The Seattle Mariners 2004 experience is a lot like Cocoon 2.
-We gave the Christian Coalition more convincing evidence against domestic partnerships (The Trevtor Experiment)
-We know that Ryan Lutz has way too much time on his hands.
-Barry Bonds isn't too bad at baseball.
-Sidney Ponson may have had a Cadbury egg too many.
-Shawn Chacon is the Jose Jimenez for the mid-2000's.
-Mike Piazza is still gay.
Team Curt Schilling - Sarkis
I almost feel bad for picking Sarkis last. But not *too* bad, if you know what I mean.
It's sorta like the Royals where you kind of feel bad that they're a second rate franchise that almost always sucks because they have a charming little ballpark in a small market just as Sarkis is a nice enough guy who's slaving away at Wally-World and never seems to finish well in our league.
But in the end, you just get this feeling that with the Royals and with Sarkis, its part misfortune and circumstances and part incompetence to blame for their failings. As the saying goes, "You make your own luck", And also as the saying goes... "You started HOW many outfielders?" Touche.
Offense-
Sarkis's offense actually rocked....in 1999. But Mike Piazza, Ken Griffey Jr., Sammy Sosa and
Oh and by the way, Sarkis's starting shortstop is Cesar Izturis. In other words, by the end of the season the rest of his team is bound to stab him in the back in an Ides of March recreation. "Et Tu, Paul Konerko?"
Rating: D+ (1999 rating A-)
Pitching-
Sarkis is still desperately clinging to his critic defying early drafting of Curt Schilling a few years ago as his coup de grace. It sure was a good pick. Yep. Like Two years ago. Tick. Hmm. Tock.
The rest of his pitching staff is pretty uninspiring - Esteban Loaiza's 15 minutes are about up (it was a joke that he went to All-Star game), Jarrod Washburn is maddingly inconsistant, Al Leiter I don't think has struck out anyone in 2 years, and Russ Ortiz just bothers me -something with that Braves turtleneck and his double chin. Watch him sometime, you'll see. The relieving core of Matt Herges and Danny Graves is pretty medicore also. Anyone else notice Graves has 7 blown saves? Graves is going down with the Reds pennant hopes.
Starting pitching: C- Relief pitching: C
Intangibles-
Starting only three outfielders half of the season and making no trades and few significant waiver wire moves won't raise the grade any.
Rating: F
2nd Half Prognosis: 12th place
-Sarkis should change his team name to: "Curt Schilling and the 1999 All-Stars"
Team: I Hate Jimy Williams - Tim
The good news is that Tim may temporarily buck the “Ed Theory” which states that “Once you get married, you begin to suck at fantasy sports”. The bad news is that in baseball, it would be near impossible to suck worse.
Offense: There's a lot of speed here with Ichiro, Juan Uribe, Carl Crawford, Chone Figgins, Beltran, and some very cool names, but only Beltran and maybe Crawford's actual fantasy performance stands out. (Tim knows we're not playing rotisserie right?)
There's also some overrated or underachieving sluggers: Bernie Williams, Adam Dunn, Nomar. Ryan Klesko. Throw in a washed up Edgardo Alfonzo, Jeff Bagwell and Juan Gonzalez and you have part 2 of Sarkis's 1999 All-Stars.
Rating: D+
Pitching: Through a mysterious science experiment Tim suddenly became Bryan Miller when picking his pitching staff. But his Barely Legal staff of Josh Beckett, Brett Myers, Brandon Webb, and Zack Grienke have gotten slammed so far this year, and perhaps it's time Tim ship them off to the proverbial military school to help them grow up a little.
Tim also shipped the preimiere closer of the league in Gagne to Ed and now has average to better than average closers in Lidge and "Double-U".
Starting Pitching: F+ Relief pitching: B
Intangibles: It should be noted that Tim not only dropped Chris Carpenter (who was 20+ FP/G before his last start) after a win, but he also dropped David Wells (who since has averaged 19 FP/G on my team) and possible 2nd half breakout candidate Morgan Ensberg. Ouch.
Rating: F
2nd Half Prognosis: 11th place
Ding Dong! Tim's getting married during the home stretch. Welcome to the fantasy cellar!
Tim should change his team name to: "Here Sara, You Take It"
Team: In Dusty We Trusty- Jon Heupel
For the last two seasons, Heupel managed his team like Phil Jackson coached the Lakers this season. Which is to say...not much. (If you watched the Finals especially, you know what I mean) Both Jon and Phil won a championship two years ago, and both seemed to mail it in for the next two seasons. Both had good "keepers" Bonds/Rolen, Sheffield, Mark Prior and Kobe and Shaq, and surrounded them with subpar supporting casts.
Of course, Heupel and Phil Jackson may have somewhat legit reasons for slacking.. Heupel with working 18 hour days at his Office Space like corporate job and his demanding girlfriend and Phil Jackson having to juggle the egos of Shaq, Kobe, and GP and keep his sanity.
So, its with some amount of satisfaction to see Heupel doing more managing this season. Keep it up, big guy,
Offense: Heupel's always had the Big Guns on offense, and this year is no exception. Sheff, Frank Thomas, Scott Rolen, etc. etc. In fact, with Frank Thomas in the lineup, he only has two sub 3.0 guys in the lineup. Jack Wilson and Darin Erstad are the only holes in the lineup right now, and those aren't terrible holes.
Oh and how about Johnny Damon right now. He showed up to spring training with the Sox sporting a Jesus-esque full beard and a scruffy shoulder length mane of dark hair, shaved the beard in May, but now its back and Damon IS ON FIRE!
Yes, he's been mocked in the media as the “Unfrozen Caveman”, he’s been teasingly labelled “Johnny the Baptist”, but some of us see unkempt Red Sox center fielder for what he truly is- a hero.
Rating: A
Pitching: Possibly one of the worst first half pitching performances in Midwest Pimps history. Just murderous. Consider the fact that in May, Heupel's rotation consisted of Hideo "I Got" Nomo who has get this, 38 fantasy points for the season, Jose Acevedo, Victor Zambrano, and Carlos Silva. Granted not having Prior for two months definately hurts, but 8.5 FP/G for your pitching staff? Really? Am I reading that right? And don't get me started on the bullpen. It's looking a lot better now, but last month it was Daenys Baez, Rocky Biddle and Jorge Julio. The Third Amigos...of suck.
Rating: F
Intangibles: Looking better than in the last couple years, but still not at peak 2001 level. He hasn't pulled off any good trades for starting pitching, but made some nice waiver moves to get good closers. The jury is still out.
Rating: C
Second Half Prognosis: 10th place
I have a feeling Heupel will drag himself out of the cellar and nose out Tim for 10th. And 10th always feels better if you're in last most of the season.
Heupel should change his team name to: - "In Awful Pitching We Trusty"
Team: Wheatland NWA- Cliff Lewton
Well, now that I don't live with Cliff anymore.. (we moved out and went our seperate ways a few weeks ago) I can feel free to take shots at his fantasy team. But sadly there isn't a whole lots to say except that most of the team is old, REALLY OLD. In fact, I don't know who is older, the Supreme Court or Cliff's team. Lets see... I count one guy over 40 (Jamie Moyer), 4 guys really close to 40 (Tom Glavine, Craig Biggio, Kenny Rogers, Omar Vizquel), and lots of other guys in their early to mid 30's. Somewhere Bryan Miller is crying. Loudly.
Offense: For the second year in a row, I dropped a guy at the beginning of the season (Marcus Giles last year, now Vinny Castilla) who ends up having a career year on Cliff's team. Glad I could be of service. Was anyone else as shocked as I was to find out that Lew Ford is white? I'm still in shock. I dunno, for the most part no one on Cliff's offense is having a remarkable year.
I will admit though, that I gained a ton of respect for Derek Jeter after his face-breaking dive into the stands for the catch against the Red Sox. With a few exceptions, I dont know many players who would try that kind of stunt, much less a pretty-boy Yankee whose won championships already in a REGULAR SEASON GAME. Craziness.
Rating: C-
Pitching: Another aging mediocre staff filled with guys who are either surprises (Tom Glavine, Jason Marquis, Kenny Rogers) or disappointments (Randy Wolf, Woody Williams, Andy Pettitte). My favorite is Horacio Ramirez, who couldn't buy a win earlier this season before he got hurt. Watching him give up 1 earned run but 7 unearned in 2 innings because of 7 Braves errors (3 by Mark DeRosa) was one of the highlights of the year. The relief pitching has been solid, however.
Starting pitching: C- Relief pitching: B
Intangibles: Cliff's still in just his second year but he's usually good at waiver wire pickups. He's made a couple of decent if unspectacular trades. It seems like in fantasy sports he's either in the top or the bottom of the standings. (Which partly because he intentionally tanks every other fantasy sport).
Rating: B-
Second Half Prognosis: 9th Place
I'm taking a risk here since Cliff could still intentionally tank, though I hope not since we put some measures in that will guard against that. Cliff's team looks OK, with some guys due to have a good 2nd half (Clement, GIles brothers) and others to go back down to earth (Kenny Rogers, Lew Ford, Francisco Cordero)
Cliff should change his team name to "The Wheatland NWAARP"
Team: Termites -Ben Heimann
Ben Heimann spoke at the Rock last Saturday night which begged two questions.
1. Are they now just picking speakers by drawing names out of a hat?
2. Why didn't he have the church pray for his starting pitching?
Both questions are mysteries, but the biggest mystery is how Heimann's team will finish in the standings. It's hard to predict at the point.
Offense: Did anyone else realize that the Cleveland Indians somehow had 5 All-Stars this year? That's quite a lot for a team skating around the .500 mark and hasn't been good since Juan Gonzalez had a back. But possibly the most deserving of them was Victor Martinez, who is second only to Pudge in catcher fantasy points. But unfortunately for Heimann, he doesnt have much else production besides Miguel "Even though I won the HR derby and broke the record I was still overshadowed" Tejada and Steve Finley. On the plus side, Luis Castillo, Chipper Jones and Preston Wilson may have much better 2nd halves.
Rating: C-
Pitching: Besides Vic Martinez and Tejada, Heimann's only other All-Star is Ted Lilly. Yes, that is not a misprint, Ted Lilly. That's how sad the Blue Jays were in the first half. It doesn't really say much for Heimann's starting rotation either. Kerry Wood's great when healthy, but he missed over a month and it hurt Heimann. Eric Milton is all smoke and mirrors, without those 2 billion runs of support, he'd be a 10 FP/G pitcher. Kevin Millwood, hah. The Braves are looking smarter all the time for the C.H.i.P's deal.
Heimann's money is in the relieving. Billy "Call me Mike" Wagner and Mariano Rivera have been the anchors of his team.
Starting Pitching D+ Relief pitching: A-
Intangibles: Sometimes its easy to forget Heimann's in the league. He and Miller combine for about 3 posts a season, and he rarely makes trades. On the other hand, he doesn't do anything stupid and he had a decent draft.
Rating: C
2nd Half Prognosis: 8th place
If Wood, Wade Miller, Derrek Lee, Chipper and Preston turn it on in the second half, Heimann could finish as high as 4th or 5th. There's a lot of question marks.
Heimann should change the name of his team to: "Termite Infested Kerry Wood" (sorry, that's all I got right now)
Team: "Miller's Thrillers" - Bryan Miller
I give Miller props to sticking to his guns..and by that I mean Young Guns. Every year you look at his team and it feels like a rebuilding project..its all young guys and sleepers. The problem is that while some of them return on their upppppside, others fare far worse. But hey, it's Miller's thang and we love him for it.
Offense: Typically Miller's achilles heel, and this year is no exception. He's got a ton of 2.8 and 2.9ish starters. That's OK when you got some superstars, but his #1 guy is Hank Blalock at 3.2, and Teixeira at 3.3 (but who was out awhile). The rest are typical Miller hit-or-miss under 26 guys..Eric Brynes, Cabrera, Rocco Baldelli, Jose Reyes.
Rating: D-
Pitching: Miller's got his stable of young keeper studs in Mulder, who's been great, Halladay, who's been OK, and Zito, who's sucked. And he also has a suddenly dominating Ben Sheets and rising Jake Peavy to make up arguably the best starting rotation in the league. Relieving-wise Miller is pretty average...Keith Foulke never gets save opportunities because the Red Sox either lose or win by like 20, and Danys Baez...is just there. Jason Frasor warrants watching in the second half.
Starting Pitching: A- Relief pitching: C-
Intangibles: In the past few years Miller's been pretty notably stingy with trades...though I hear he may have a blockbuster in the works with Tim for Beltran. He does a fairly good job at the waiver wire most of the time, but he has a tendancy to leave huge holes in his offense.
Rating: C-
Second Half Prognosis: 7th place
Once again Miller has dark horse potential to be higher in the standings, depending on the ebbs and flows of his young players. But I've been burned in the past for picking Miller too high, and I wont make the same mistake this year.
Miller should change the name of his team to: "Miller's AAA Thrillers"
Team: "Welcome Home Vlad" (BTW, changing your entire team name in the middle of the season should be illegal..annoys me to no end). Fo Shizzy aka Bryan Gower.
So, I starting picking the standings last week. A week later, I honestly just looked at his roster and thought...why did I pick him 6th again? Maybe its because I made the predictions before the crazy mind-bending 10 player+ draft pick trade, I dunno. I'd go back and look at his old roster, but frankily, I don't care enough to.
All I know is...
Offense: ...Shizzy's infield is Jason Varitek, David Ortiz, Mark Bellhorn, Julio Lugo and Shea Hillenbrand. In other words, three Red Sox and one former Red Sox not named Manny, Nomar, or Johnny Damon. That is not the makings of a championship team, friends. The outfield is actually one of the best in the league with Jose Guillen, Vlad, and Drew, but man is that infield brutal.
Rating: C+
Pitching: I remember the good ol' days of the "Four Aces". But now Shizzy is going the way of Miller and Tim by trading guys like Mussina and Colon for Diaper Dandy pitchers, but besides Zambrano and possibly Pavano...theres not much interesting here. Dontrelle's flash in the pan number was up sometime in September last year. Once people began to figure out the funk, he's been wildly inconsistant since. Also overrated is Rich Harden, who if he came up through ..say the Pirates farm system, would be just another young pitcher who started out hot when he came up from the minors last year.
But he's on the A's, which makes him gold because he's associated with Hudson, Zito and Mulder.
The rest of the staff is interchangable parts... Burnett, Westbrook, Jaret Wright, Cabrera, Lidle. Blah.
Dan Kolb is someone you see walking down the street and you can say.."Ya know, he looks like a major league baseball player".
Starting Pitching: D Relief Pitching: B
Intangibles: I can't figure out what Shizzy's plan is. To rebuild and go for keepers down a whole 350 points from 1st at the All-Star break with young overrated pitchers? Nonetheless, he's got a proven track record...of finishing somewhere in the middle.
Rating: C
2nd Half Prognosis:
As I said before I don't know what I was thinking picking Shizzy sixth. Finishing this high is possible, but 7th or 8th is more likely.
Shizzy should change his team name to: "The Fleecing of the Four Aces"
Team: KC Braves - Trevor and Trotter
The Trevtor Experiment probably deserves its own column, but as I'm not getting paid for this, so I'll keep it simple. But if you're like me, you're wondering if this whole thing is going to turn out like the Lakers with the two superstars (although you could argue this is more like Kobe and Medvendko more than Kobe and Shaq) barely co-existing on the same team... the silent treatments, the terse public statements in the rumor mill..the Oswalt trade... Things are going to get ugly folks, and there could be a dismantling after the season. It will be interesting to see how it shakes down....
Offense:
In Trevor's 1 and 1/2 seasons of Midwest Pimps, the crux of his success has been his offense. Well, that and strong relief pitching. While most of the league cuts off left arms and other appendanges for young pitching, Trevor stocks up on the Big Bats and it's a smart way to go.
Now Trotter has sort of convoluted Trevor's theory, and a couple of trades later, the offense doesn't look as strong. But its still in the Top 3 of the league..Here's why:
A-Rod and Manny and Abreu. Vlad is back to Shizzy, but Abreu's overall numbers are actually better fantasy wise. Having 3 guys in the upper 3's/lower 4's stratosphere really bolsters an offense. Throw in Aramis and Matt Lawton at 3.4, and Mark Loretta at an incredible 3.3, and Trevor is like the Yankees of the league. Too bad Jody Gerut and Nick Johnson were such a waste of time. The bench is pretty uninspiring also.
Rating: A
Pitching: Pity Randy Johnson. Not only does he have to deal with a being the only good starter with the Diamondbacks, he now has to suffer the same fate on Trevtor's fantasy team. If I were a sports section headline writer I'd come up with something snappy like "SNAKEBITTEN!" or "SNAKE EYES", to talk about Randy here, but I'm not that clever aka gay.
Anyone else noticed Mark Redman has scored a combined -14 points in his last 4 starts? Wow, Mr. Redman its time to go back to writing contemporary worship songs. (and yes, that was an obscure joke).
And with C.C. now shaky (that guy has pitched a TON of innings for his age, that scares me)that leaves such superstars as John Thomson, Steve Trachsel, and Glendon Rusch to flesh out the rest of the rotation.
The jury is still out on Fat Boy Bartolo, but the best thing we can say about Tim Wakefield is that he is part of arguably one of the greatest moments of Reality TV history as part of Average Joe 2.
I've said so much here, I'll skip the relief pitching.
Starting Pitching: D+ Relief Pitching: B
Intangibles: How do I even begin to rate this since we're talking about two different co-owners who seem to be on the opposite side of the spectrum? It's just too hard to predict whats going to happen with this mess..
Rating: N/A
Second Half Prognosis:
I'm going to go ahead and predict a freefall to 5th place because the pitching, is just not good. If Randy goes down, this team is falling faster than Martha Stewart's stock prices. I think though if Trevor takes over and makes a couple moves, this team can get back into contention into possibly 2nd or 3rd place.
Trevor and Trotter should change the name of their team to "Siegfried and Roy"
Team: DJ Hops - Dan Hopkins
With his team in contention, this is possibly the feel good story of the year. Too bad Dan isn't a very sympathic character. He needs to be a Tobey Maguire type to fully be appreciated as a spunky underdog looking to prove the Doubters wrong. Unfortunately, someone named "DJ Hops" will never be mistaken for Rudy.
Offense: Here's an infield for the ages; Tino Martinez, Raul Ibanez, Orlando Hudson, Jose Valentin, Mike Lowell. On second thought, no, it's not. Throw in an outfield that just has slightly more combined points than the Big Unit, and DJ Hops's offense is the Big Suck.
Throwing out Dave Roberts 3.4 average (he doesn't play everyday so he only has 2 more points than Tino) and Mike Lowell's impressive 3.5 average, there's a lot of junk in the trunk. And while that may be good for freakdancing, it doesn't bode well for Fantasy Baseball.
Rating: F+
Pitching: Night and day from the offense. In fact, Hopkins' team is sort of like a less sexy but better version of Millers team. You got Jason Schmidt straight dominating with a 28.4 average, calling for the second year in a row for most Underrated player in the league award. Roger Clemens, running on his 4th or 5th wind, (By the way, anyone read Gary Sheffield's comments basically accusing Clemens of juicing up? Downright hilarious) even though I was giddy with glee watching him get blowed up at the All-Star game.
Right now Hopkins' 3rd, 4th and 5th starter all are over 16 FP/G, which must make Heupel cry.
Also hooked up to the rejuvenation machine this year is the ageless Buddha like wonder of Jose Mesa.
Starting Pitching: A Relief Pitching: B-
Intangibles: Hopkins isn't nearly as loud in making waiver wire moves or trades in fantasy baseball as he is bustin phat rhymes on the mic, but he quietly has improved and holds his own. He still has a lot to prove down the stretch, to borrow a meaningless phrase from sportscasters.
Rating: C
2nd Half Prognosis: I'll go with a fourth place finish. The pitching is great, but it's not enough to completely carry the team. If Hopkins can make some moves for offense, he has the potential to finish higher, but I don't forsee him going higher than 3rd.
Dan should change the name of his team to: "DJ Hops' Ol Gunslingaz"
Lil Bastards - Ryan Lutz
Lutz, is of course, in France right now, which is fitting since his fantasy team is gay with all of the millions of trades and shady and bizarre moves. Comparing his starting day roster to his present roster just hurts my head...and frankily I don't feel like playing the Six Degrees of Jeff Bagwell game.
Lutz is still the Hardest Working Man in fantasy sports, but in baseball this season that work has reached critical mass...and Lutz's team is threatened to implode on itself. I really have no idea what that means, but it sounded sort of neat.
Offense: Once again, Lutz is "Pujols and Friends" on offense. Hows this for a starting infield: Joe Mauer, Travis Hafner, David Newhan, Tony Womack, Bill Mueller. Need I say more? Even Lutz's outfield has one legit star in Pujols...the closest thing is Aubrey Huff at 3.0. By the way, has anyone else noticed Lutz's strange love for Huff, sort of like Sarkis's former love of Kris Benson? Poor Garrett Anderson, he went from underrated to overrated in a few short months.
Rating: C-
Pitching: Do I rate what Lutz has had for the first half or the pitchers he has now, that is the question. Right now Lutz has a more well-rounded staff than he used to, but not having the Unit hurts. Javier Vazquez has been above average, but hes not significantly better fantasy wise despite going from the Expos to the Yankees. Mussina is a huge question mark right now. Lutz got Oswalt for peanuts, but Oswalt has been inconsistant too.
Thank god I got Shawn Chacon last year instead of this year. Lutz's obsession with Rockies closers (Jose Jimenez anyone?) is inexplicable. I have a feeling John Smoltz is going to dominate in the 2nd half.
Starting Pitching: A- Relief Pitching: C+
Intangibles: Lutz has plenty of uppppside just because of his mad trading skillz, though that Randy Johnson trade was still a bit puzzling. When he mentioned making another trip to Columbia just to make some trades, I almost believed him. In fantasy baseball Lutz is a poor man's Lance Armstrong.
Rating: A-
2nd Half Prognosis: 3rd Place
By the way, Lutz has way too many guys on his team with cutesy trendy 80's and 90's baby names... "A.J, Garrett, Geoff, Trot, Ty,". I had a hard time at first picking between Ed and Lutz for 3rd, but the Gagne trade was an uppercut to Lutz's chin.
Lutz should change his team name to: "Pujols and The Revolving Doors"
Team Randy Johnson - Ed Courtney
I've always sort of considered Ed my chief fantasy rival...just because we're competitive in everything... fantasy sports, tennis, Star Wars epic duels, chess, wearing sexy clothes (made you look), so it's going to be quite a second half. I have a feeling Ed and I will be battling like Yoda and Count Dooku (I am Dooku btw) at the end.
Offense:
While Sarkis's team is full of 1999 All-Stars, Ed's team is the 2002 All-Stars which is...well..considerably better. And if you want reasons why Ed will pass Lutz, here it is...Ed's IF of Craig Wilson, Jason Giambi, Soriano, Renteria, and Eric Chavez vs. Lutz's Joe Mauer, Travis Hafner, David Newhan, Tony Womack, Bill Mueller. And that's not even mentioning Barry Bonds and Berkman. (There needs to be a cheesy buddy cop TV show called "Bonds and Berkman"). It's just too bad the fading Shawn Green has to be involved.
Rating: B+
Pitching:
I just can't, just can't love this pitching staff just because there are three Cardinals (Morris, Carpenter, and Suppan) involved. But as always, much love for The Pedro. Cliff Lee is also bound to fall some. The guy is pretty good, but he's NOT 10-1 good. He just isn't.
Ed's bullpen though is looking way up because of the presence of Gagne. Ed's bullpen was just loathsome in the first half.
Starting Pitching: B Relief Pitching: D
Intangibles: Ed doesn't always win, in fact, he's gone through a pretty long drought now, but he always seems to find his way into the Top echelon of contenders. And thats more than we can say about a lot of the league.
Rating: A-
2nd Half Prognosis: 2nd place...
Ed's team is poised for a big 2nd half, especially offensively... I think it will be a three horse run to the finish, with Ed's team falling somewhere in the middle. And once again we're left to wonder how many titles Ed would of had if he had drafted Randy Johnson many a year ago.
Ed should change his name to "Pedro Martinez" (It's time)
